This Ash Wednesday I began a soaking in the writings of a diverse group of wisdom sharers. I sat with my own faults and remembrances of harsh words, judgments, and pride that I still cling to. I have found that I repeat the same negative behaviors toward myself and others, and I am saddened that my heart has not changed as much as my mind thinks it has. It is time to again reflect on the walking the walk of repentance and forgiveness.
“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:21-22
I feel that about the world as I look out on it today. We have learned so much and come so far; and yet we seem to continue to stumble and slide backwards.
Unrepentant.
Repentance requires more than saying I am sorry. Repentance requires repair. Repentance requires a lasting change.
What are we willing to give of ourselves to move the needle forward toward repairing injustices in our world? Are we willing to repent of our own thinking patterns and actions and make lasting changes in our own lives?
Change begins with a self examination before change can happen in the world around us.
I recognize that:
- Racism hasn’t gone away.
- Sexual harassment hasn’t gone away.
- Patriarchy hasn’t gone away.
- Demeaning and devaluing women hasn’t gone away.
- Prejudice hasn’t gone away.
- Cruelty for the sake of making ourselves feel better hasn’t gone away.
Denial is alive and well, in me and in these times. There have been times when I was part of that denial. If I am honest, I still see some of those patterns crop up today. Old tapes of prejudice and racism still sneak into my thoughts- uncontrollably- and I must make a conscious effort to force them out. I need to repent for those thoughts. I still find my brain asking if stories of sexual harassment and abuse could be true or was there “just a misunderstanding.” Those are words I grew up with in spite of my own experiences telling me to believe what women say. I must repent of my judgment and disbelief of the painful stories the brave share. The old patterns of working in a male-dominated field often caused me to defer to men in leadership over fully qualified and highly capable women. I must repent of my disregard and inflicted pain on my fellow women leaders, especially women called into ministry as clergy.
Why do we demonize those speaking truth about their painful experiences of abuse, of harassment, of racial profiling, or dehumanizing actions against them. Why are we willing to ignore the stories of those who still suffer because of these old beliefs of power and superiority? Why is it so hard for us to repent of our own roles and refuse to turn in a new direction?
Revolutionary change is our responsibility. It starts with the people. It starts with crossing the road and building relationships and diverse inclusive community. Are we willing to take a Jesus posture and move beyond self and to stand and care for fellow humans?
Are we willing to take time this Lent to repent of our own roles in holding others down?
If we honestly want to see change, we cannot sit by and wait for someone else to do the work. Maybe you are able to start by asking God these questions of yourself. Perhaps take an honest assessment of your own belief systems and trappings of what you have been taught? How do we enter into a posture of respect and carrying forward the reminder that we are ALL Created in God’s image. All of us.
For me, I find these answers and change by spending quiet time with God. I find it reading words of wisdom from others ahead of me on the path of repentance and forgiveness. I find transformation and calling in the words of Jesus and inspiration by hearing and moving with the Holy Spirit. Find your way and let this be your time of breaking chains and freedom to move forward.
Peace be with you on this journey.
maggiemarcum 