We all have our stories about that horrible morning on September 11, 25 years ago. We all remember where we were when the first plane hit. We remember sitting in front of our TVs when the second plane hit, and then the Pentagon and hearing about Pennsylvania and Flight 93. Even those who were young children that day, can’t seem to forget it either. It was just so overwhelming and unbelievable.
For any of us anywhere near these tragic moments, I think it hits even harder. I remember it was a late morning for me because my daughter’s school had just started and I hadn’t yet gone into work. I was just getting ready to leave, after watching the second plane hit, when my boss called and said our government building was being evacuated and stay home. We weren’t sure if we too were a target following the attack on the Pentagon. We waited the hours to hear about colleagues working at the Pentagon to know if they were safe. Some were physically safe, but never mentally or emotionally safe again after that. And some were forever lost.
Do you remember what it was like around the Washington DC area? The streets were quiet. The stores closed. We walked in the evening looking up as fighter planes flew over. It seemed like it went on forever. We walked around like zombies in full shock. Churches and other places of worship were full as we all sought some sort of understanding and peace about what had happened. Our family would later join others in prayer vigils near the Pentagon.
As the days unfolded, turning to months and now years, September 11 will always be a painful day. Try not to watch too much of the news. It’s easy for us to be re-traumatized. I remember it was one of the first times we all sat glued to the TV watching over and over and over what happened. There’s no need to do that again today. Those memories are wired into our brain, never to be forgotten.
This is a day to reach out to those you love and remind them how much you love them. It is a day to spend some time in quiet prayer, praying for families and friends impacted by this tragedy. It is a day to set aside politics and remember that this was an attack on all of us. And it is a day to remember that The Divine remains The Divine and we are not alone.
We often say our lives were changed for the better following the attacks. Those first few weeks and months, we seem to have been kinder to one another. We needed to be so gentle because the pain was so overwhelming. As we watched the trauma of digging out in New York, the clearing of the Pentagon, and the resolve of those in Pennsylvania, we all tried to stand a little stronger and a little kinder. If nothing else today, let us remember to be those people again. Say hello to your neighbor, nod your head, knowing that together we feel the pain and let us also feel hope.
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”– 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Earlier this week I had the privilege of sharing my writing as part of an exercise in creation for our ecumenical community at The Coracle. As the church continues to celebrate the season of creation, I invite you to consider a new way of looking at the world around you, especially the gardens and grounds that we frequently simply pass by as part of our normal day. Experience all that The Divine has created with a new openness.
Creation is all around us and we can especially find the Divine in the beauty of the garden – in the smallest of creatures that crawl on the green leaves, held in place by a vine leading to a strong branch, and an even stronger tree trunk.
The more we are outside- the more we can begin to see creation abounding. The more we are in creation, we step out from the flesh and into the whole of creation – the gift of life for all, from The Maker. We are invited to take a new look, to explore the unfamiliar, or familiar, from a new perspective. When needed, we step in and see that which is neglected or in need of restoring.
Author Thor Hanson in his book, Close to Home, suggests we consider three ways of experiencing creation in and around us: in Seeing, Exploring, and Restoration. The invitation today as you walk in the gardens, walk to the ocean or hills, or help plant new creation is to stop and gaze, see, feel, hear, taste God’s presence and to seek his guidance as you step, or sit in the completive companion which is nature.
We begin with a focus toward Seeing:
John Burrough’sLeaf and Tendril said: “The lesson which life repeats and constantly enforces is ‘look under foot.’ Every place is under the stars; every place is the center of the world”
In Job we hear:
“Just ask the animals, and they will teach you. Ask the birds of the sky, and they will tell you. 8 Speak to the earth, and it will instruct you. Let the fish in the sea speak to you. 9 For they all know that my disaster[ has come from the hand of the Lord. 10 For the life of every living thing is in his hand, and the breath of every human being.
Job 12: 7-10
As you look out today, consider the simple insect – do we just hear the buzzing around us or do we pause and also see the magnificent design of the wings and the body? Do we strain to look closer?
Be curious like a little child. Be aware and relearn how to tap into your senses to perceive the tiny details with wonderment.
How is the Divine inviting you to reorient your way of looking and seeing?
Consider Exploring, as J R R Tolkien wrote in The Hobbit: “There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something.”
When we turn to scripture, we read in Isaiah 40:
Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of his great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing.
Look again in the familiar garden or backyard — what is new today? What has been unseen? A new insect? New flower bud? Be curious. Look again. Invite the Creator to reveal creation.
Look up! Look down! Look past where you normally gaze, and gaze as God does on the beautiful.
What captures your gaze and causes you to linger? What enchants you? What are you seeking from the Divine to reveal today?
Restoring takes time and commitment. Sir Thomas Quiller-Couch in On the Art of Reading shared: “Where there is freedom to experiment there is hope to improve.”
David said it even better in Psalm 23:
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
That is true for the land and for our soul. We can easily become diverted, yet the Creator calls us back again and again to grow into the New. We come from one place to another- called by the Divine. Restoration begins where we are. The ground that needs weeding. The bench to repair. The feeder to fill. The branches to trim. The new soil to lay and plant seeds that will blossom into newness. All of which we must tend to with regular attention to sustain growth.
Where is God showing you to turn over the soil and plant something new? Where does the Creator want your attention placed- to water and till?
Roam now and see, hear, smell, and taste creation- a gift from the One who loves us and sustains us on this planet. Linger in the aroma of Great Spirit Creator, the wonder of the Maker of Life, and know the love of Creator who sets us Free-Jesus. (These beautiful names are drawn from First Nations Version- An Indigenous)
Sometimes it’s just feeling a cool breeze and noticing things around us—checking out our neighborhood and hearing sounds central to our community. I love an early morning walk while the air is still cool and the birds are just waking. The glimmer of the new-day sun reminds me of all the possibilities ahead.
There’s a lot of construction going on around our neighborhood and it makes me smile to watch all of the workers coming in and doing what they do. Usually there is laughter, the beeping of a truck as it backs up, or the clang of the metal detour signs setting in place. All the sounds of a neighborhood coming to new life and opportunities.
It’s simple the things that we can be curious about when we walk and keep our eyes open to notice the “normal.” Do you know how many different kinds of cars are parked on a busy street?? I look at the cars and I wonder who the drivers are and what brought them to the neighborhood. Do they live here? Are they visiting? Do they work here? What assumptions am I making about them because of their car??
We are fortunate to have places scattered about to sit and rest and watch the day unfold. We have several areas with fountains. I love the refreshing sounds of the water running. For me, I find peace in the ripple of water. Imagine sitting here having lunch in the afternoon, watching the waterfall and the construction crews building from the designs that they were given. Each day it’s a little bit new and I look forward to seeing their finished project.
My mile walk brings me past the local restaurants, coffee shops, and the nursery. One more statue with running water that captures my attention as I peak down the aisles to see what new plants are emerging. The morning is too early for stores to be open and it’s the perfect time to stroll through town looking in all the windows.
As I head home, the building in which I live is coming back to life. Kids are getting ready for school. Adults are packing their lunches and bags for their busy day at work. The retirees are stretching and coming down to start their own walks. The day has begun, and I am grateful to be a part of it.
I hope you will take time to look around your neighborhood and see the sites that maybe you have just walked by. I’m learning to appreciate all that God has created, even through the humans that are building them. May your day be filled with joy and peace as you breathe in Yahweh Beauty and out that which you don’t need to carry into the day.
These past few months have been a little crazy. I’ve had the privilege of walking through some days of loneliness with friends, some days of serious health issues, and some days of dying. I’ve had my own moments of loss of friendship and maybe a sense of a loss of connection to people who have been in my life for a long time. To put it mildly, it pretty much sucks.
I think people of a certain age start looking back at their life, sometimes with regrets, and sometimes just simply acknowledging that they did the best that they could do. Part of my looking back lately is considering the relationships that I’ve been blessed to have, and the sadness I feel that they, for any number of reasons, are no longer part of my life. I find myself wondering what kind of friend I have been and wishing I had been better.
Grief and joy. The sadness that something that was is no longer, balanced against the joy of remembering sweet times together. Someone once told me that everything has a season and that includes friendships. It doesn’t mean losing a relationship doesn’t hurt. Seeing someone go on and you are no longer in the mix can be more painful than the finality of death. We miss the joy the relationship brought to our lives. It is like the season turns from spring to fall and the coldness of winter to the soul.
We live in a disposable world. Trinkets, phones, appliances are readily trashed and replaced with something new and shiny. And so it can be in our lives as we move from one season of relationship to another. I wonder though if we are too quick to throw away our connections without taking stock of the emotional toil it brings. We often don’t realize we are walking in the grief of loss which may hinder our ability to consider a better way. Breaking the connection we have with another human-especially if that person is family or a soul friend- is like walking death. And yet I admit I am just as guilty as the next person to keep walking forward, with the hole in my heart and sadness in my step…moving beyond the hurt and emptiness without repair.
Dying and death and physical suffering are different. I have witnessed physical and emotional pain friends and family experience. I keep seeing a strange mystical undertone of peace and joy that I didn’t expect to find. I find myself searching for words to explain what it’s like to trust that a higher power is holding these things together. I ponder the way joy seeps into the cracks with a hope for something more. Maybe it is a hope for healing. Maybe it is seeing God in the midst of pain in an unexplainable way. Maybe it is walking with someone transitioning from life on earth that opens us to wanting to believe there is more.
All these emotions can happen at once as we ricochet from crying to smiling and back from joy to emptiness. This is the broken world in which we live. Some things we are beyond our ability to change. Somethings we are waiting and praying will change. It isn’t always easy to know the difference. For me, I try to lean into the power I call God and try to listen for direction and peace and the next right thing for me to do. Sometimes I am led to act and sometimes led to wait for others. Sometimes I am called to simply sit with God and trust that The Divine is at work in the hearts and lives of all of us.
Walking with Buddy is teaching me to walk differently. So many times I get out on the path and I’m just trying to get my steps in and make sure I’m building muscles in my legs and slimming down my waist. That doesn’t happen when you walk with a dog!
I’m learning from Buddy to stop and look around and see what there is to see. He loves to stop at every tree and sniff the bark. That causes me to pause and look at all the ridges in the trees and at the roots of the tree which support it. It gives me time to reflect on creation’s beauty in fine detail.
He waddles along joyfully down the path until something again catches his eye or catches his nose. We stop again for him to explore what it is. I’m learning now to stop and look at what it is, instead of waiting impatiently for him to finish his Sniff of the Minute. Off we go again, trucking down the sidewalk, at dog pace.
He will stop at the rustle of a leaf. Sometimes it just startles him, and sometimes he has to go stomp it to see if it will crunch under his foot. It reminds me of the seasons in which we live our lives, ever-changing pieces falling off as new branches and leaves are growing in. Relationships changing, life evolving. I marvel at the change from season to season. We walk along and I wonder what will it be like when winter comes, because we haven’t walked in the winter together yet. It is a sense of anticipation and of dread. Ah life!
He slows me down and gives me time to look up at the sky. He slows me down and gives me time to catch the steeple down the road glistening in the moonlight. Sometimes we just have to sit at the bench too because he loves to sit at the bench and people watch and so we sit and we watch and say “hello “ as only a chihuahua can.
This is when I find myself seeking the presence of God and almost missing it. Just because I live in a “city environment” doesn’t mean I can’t see God here. I can find the creator in the magnificence of a tree built against the side of a building, or in the chirping of the birds, as we walk, yes even the snapping of crickets. There’s all kind of beetles and bugs that crawl out from the ground and while I may squeal when I see them, I have to stop and wonder how God created something so ugly and scary and yet remember that it is God‘s creation and it must be appreciated.
So next time you’re on that walk with your dog and you’re impatient because he is stopping for one more sniff; stop yourself and sniff in the beauty of the world around you. Perhaps there’s a message God has for you in that moment of pausing. Perhaps there will he something to carry home, just for you.
Driving to a cabin in the Shenandoah with my friend, I felt the gentle shift from city life to country beauty, surrounded by the blue hills of Virginia. There’s a point in driving when suddenly one takes a deep breath and lets out the sigh of renewal found in the splendor of the hills in front of us. Driving even deeper onto roads leading up the mountain, we rolled down our windows to hear the sounds of nature alive around us.
Settling in for an evening of wine and long talks, the air was full of the chirping of birds and the crackling of animals, moving in the brush below us. At one point, we sat in silence, just listening, waiting to hear that next unexpected sound break through the trees. We had already seen the majesty of a deer as we drove up the road, and we waited in anticipation for a bear or other creature to walk across our land. In the meantime, we were soaking in the call of nature, just as God had designed it.
As the sun began to set, the world around us began to settle in. I didn’t realize at first, but nature was silencing itself for the great sleep. As it began to grow dark, the lightning bugs flickered across in front of us. You seldom see lightning bugs in the city anymore. They twinkled in front of us in their dance of merriment. It was then that we noticed the woods were becoming silent. It was as if the Creator were soothing all the creatures and tucking them in for the evening. The birds became quiet. The rustling in the bush below us became less apparent. Even our little lightning bugs put their lights out.
And as the moon shown through the trees, we were struck with how bright it was, as the quiet descended upon us. We sat in that silence for many minutes, listening to the nothingness and all its glory.
As the sun rose the following morning, so did the chirp of the wood trush deep within the branches of our forest. Nature again speaking life into the day. The Divine calling us from our slumber into their awakening of our soul. The sacred combining of all creation the soul longs to rediscover is here in these woodlands.
Such incredible sounds culminating in the vibrancy of a world of differences- each with their own voice announcing their presence and waiting for the response of others. A harmonious reminder from nature of God’s intent for us. The rooster crowing in the distance telling us all to get moving- don’t miss this day, this hour, this moment. And gradually the ground beginning to crunch as wildlife walked across the valley in response to the melodic choir of a new day. Squirrels playfully entertained us jumping from branch to branch and chasing each other around the tree trunk.
“For you shall go out in joy and be led back in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall burst into song, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.” Isaiah 55:12 NRSVUE
Just as evening brought us the majestically gentle deer in our path, the morning brought forth the lumbering gait of a black bear crossing the yard. All creatures springing to life, even the smallest of insects tiptoeing across the chair where we sat. It is the awe and wonder of this planet we are called to care for and love. It is a reminder of all that the Divine implanted in all of creation- to be still in that presence and know that the Holy One remains with us and in us. May you know such peace where you sit today.
I wrote last time about how a little long-haired Chihuahua came into my life and changed it. He’s a little traumatized from his past, which I know nothing about. The only thing I know is he’s been abandoned three times and he can become a little attached to me and fearful that someone will take him away again. That’s OK because I have become attached to him too.
Buddy Is right at home now!
Pets bring a special joy to our lives. If we step back in to the creation story, we see that the Creator asked the created human to care for all the animals; and we are still doing it. The mystic Meister Eckhardt wrote:
Apprehend God in all things,
For God is in all things.
Every single creature is full of God
And is a book about God.
Every creature is a word of God.
If I spent enough time with the tiniest creature- even a caterpillar-
I would never have to prepare a sermon.
So full of God is every creature.
Butterflies at Lewis Ginter Botanical Gardens
For our family, we’ve always had animals that at one point or another needed special care. Our little cat Junior developed high blood pressure which led to a swelling around his eye. In order to save his life, he had to lose an eye. It was a horrible thing to go through with him, especially since there was no way his little brain could comprehend why it happened. He went through the surgery, like a trooper, and came home for us to help him mend. I have to admit the first night bringing him home, I just wanted to cry seeing what happened to him and feeling responsible. All he wanted was to snuggle with us as he healed.
Junior after surgery.
The incredible thing we can learn from our pets is they are so resilient. They take these things with stride while we humans stress over what it means to no longer have a part of our body or lack full capability- be it physical or mental. We instantly feel like we are less worthy, and we often treat others that way too. However, we may just be more lovable, like our pets. We may just need to know from others that we still matter. Junior healed completely, and went on to live a full and bouncy life until his kidneys finally gave out on him years later. Watching him suffer, lose weight, and making that decision to let him go was among the hardest things my daughter and I have ever had to go through. Through it we learned to set aside ourselves and our time to spend those final days being with him.
We had already lost a husband and a father. My daughter lost an aunt and an uncle. We had to give up other pets because of our living situations, thankfully to good homes. But death, whether it’s of a human family member that you love or a furry friend that you adore, is never fun for us. We had two other cats at the time and all they did was roam around looking for Junior. We had no way to explain to them where he was—he was gone and they would learn soon enough to carry on. Just like we learn in our loss. And yes, we still look around in our minds and hearts for those no longer with us.
Junior and his best friend Princess
When we brought home Rufus, a.k.a. Rukus, we knew there would be some challenges with him because his back legs didn’t work and they said he probably would never walk again. So we set out to make him comfortable and to feel as much like a loved dog as possible. The little Chiweenie soon put on weight and we found that he was a bouncy happy dog. He may have lost use of his legs, but he had not lost his desire to be outside or his desire to bark at other dogs and people. There were daily accidents because he couldn’t control his body, and we learned how to care for him in the way you care for an older family member whose body is failing them. I learned how to be encouraging to a little puppy who probably didn’t understand any of the words we were saying. I think of friends with Alzheimer’s or dementia who we visit, knowing that they will forget that we came, and knowing that they may not fully understand who we are and why we are there. But still we come to love on them to somehow hope that our few brief moments with them will bring them joy and bring us peace.
Rufus and his brother Olie out for a walk.
We worked with Rufus in the water moving his legs. We found out that he loved to chase after his Dino and play just like a regular dog. Eventually, we got him outside and discovered he still liked to do his business outside, if given the opportunity. And then one day he just stood up on his own and walked across the room. We were stunned. That’s how we discovered to never underestimate what God can do. Somehow, our love and encouragement had given him strength to stand up and little by little he did that. He never fully regained all his strength but we realized that when he could, qhe would stand and play and run around.
Rufus barking out the door.
I think of people who have been injured maybe through a stroke or an accident and have lost use of their legs. How hard they have to work to come back from it. How much encouragement it takes from the people around them to spur them on. I think of the courage it takes to say, I’ll try again and again and again, hoping things get better. People look at Rufus in his wheels or as he bounces along on his back legs like a bunny, and think how sweet he is and how great it is that he is trying. And yet we can look at someone in a wheelchair almost with distain because their body has failed them. However, they are the same people that we are. They have worth and value that we can so easily disregard.
I am thankful for the advances we have made in adapting our culture to meet the needs of those with physical disabilities. How is it that we today can take care of our pets and ensure that they had the best care and the best advantage, but we have begun to roll back programs to help humans improve and have a better life. How is it that we have come to think that they are a drain on our system, when they have something to offer that is beyond our imagination.
We had a sweet little Cockerpoo, a cocker spaniel and poodle combo. Spencer had epilepsy, which meant seizures at unexpected times. Medication helped but wasn’t always affordable. And also meant lots of accidents. We learned how to help him stay calm during a seizure and how to help him recover from a seizure. We learned when they were serious enough to go to the doctor and when we could just help him through it. One of the sweetest things though was that our little cat Junior, the one who would eventually lose his eye, was the one that always came to soothe him. He would walk around him in circles when he had a seizure, and then when it was done, he would come lay beside him to comfort him.
Isn’t that what God wants us to do for each other? Come along side and just be there and bring comfort. We don’t always have to say anything, sometimes we can hold a hand and other times we just need to sit quietly until someone is ready to speak. Being present and bringing the spirit of the Divine with us is the best thing we can do for one another.
So if you have a pet at home, be at a dog, a cat, even a little guinea pig, I hope you will look at them as a gift. I hope we can learn as Humans to be responsible for loving and caring for them, and in that, learn to love and care for each other.
Make a space for those who need our love.
I hope you will learn from them how to love other humans in our lives. Everything in creation is connected. So when you see a human struggling, pray that you see them through the eyes of the Creator with love and compassion. When you see a friend in need, I pray you will let them know that you are there for them and with them. And I do hope if you don’t already have one of God‘s creations living in your home, other than a human, that you will look to a local shelter, Humane Society, or rescue organization to see who is waiting to rescue you.
I swore I would never have another dog. I have been spoiled by too many sweet pets in the past. I used to say that the perfect dog would have to find me because I wasn’t going looking. I just couldn’t imagine any new animal finding a way into my heart again like the previous ones had.
And then along came Buddy.
Buddy Rescued!
All of my dogs have been rescues. Buddy was a special kind of rescue. He had been abandoned and stood barking on a dock, waiting for someone to hear him. We did, and when he jumped up into the car and onto my lap, I knew he was a keeper. We would find out later that this was the third time he had been abandoned, and so leaving him in the shelter was a tough thing to do. As I waited out the 10 days for him to be legally free to come home, I questioned whether I was making the right decision.
And then it became clear that God had indeed “dropped him in my lap” to love and care for him.
Bringing home a new dog with a history can be a little bit of a challenge. He is what we call a “reactive” dog. He’s a Chihuahua so that makes it even more complicated. I’ve come to understand that a reactive dog is kind of like a human who is anxious and may be suffering a little PTSD. The problem is our four-legged friends can’t really tell us what’s wrong and so unlike humans they bark and they growl and they jump around, hoping we will help them. At first it made me a little crazy, but now I understand that it’s his way of telling me: “Get me out of here- I don’t feel safe.” and it is my job to make sure he does feel safe.
Back from the groomer where he was an angel!
I’ve learned a lot about patience with him as we try different ways for him to be less reactive. He’s doing better now with other people—sometimes it’s just a slight “grrrr,” other times he loses his mind until I can snap him out of it or remove him from the situation. He’s helped me to recognize those signs in the humans around me too, and to be more patient and kind with them. Sometimes we humans need a safe space too!
The thing with Rescue Dogs is you never really know what their situation was before they came into our lives. They may have been hurt and not loved by their owners. They may have been neglected or ignored in their homes. They may have had someone who was unkind and intimidated and yelled at them. The same is true for humans. We never really know what’s going on in someone’s past until we take time get to know them. So we tend to judge based on what we think we are seeing without knowing the backstory. We become impatient and judgmental and dismissive of others while the model of Jesus calls us to be patient, understanding, and kind. We so easily forget when people don’t measure up to our “standards.”
The apostle Peter talked about kindness coming from the Lord and how we learned to be kind because of the way Jesus taught us. Jesus taught us to be patient, and to be humble around those who need our love the most. It isn’t always easy, especially when someone is reactive to a situation. But love them we must, because after all, we are loved and should be compelled to pass that love and care to others. I wonder what it would look like if we applied the same patience, kindness, and even forgiveness we show our pets to our humans?
So we added Buddy to the family of an unorthodox beagle, Olie, who is the opposite of Buddy. He was rescued from a farm where beagles were raised and mistreated. It took him a while too to trust us, and then to be able to trust others around him. In learning to trust us, he has learned to trust others. I think that’s what Jesus does right? We learned to trust God through him and then we learn to share that love and trust with others so that they can have that peace.
And then there is Rufus. We found Rufus in a shelter, emaciated and sad. His previous owner had accidentally closed the door on him and damaged his spine, so he wasn’t able to completely walk. It also meant he had a lot of accidents inside the house because he couldn’t go out or control his bladder. He was one unhappy little Chiweenie and also the most loving little fella- with a mighty bark! In Rufus we learned how to love and care for those in need. To forgive accidents or things beyond control. To be patient and kind as we care for those who can’t care for themselves. Now he is one happy puppy beginning the decline of old age. Love him we do.
Rufus and his wheels!
There is a saying about rescues. We think we are rescuing them, when in fact they rescue us. I didn’t know I needed to have someone to come home to every night, who needed attention and who needed to get outside in God‘s creation. But God did. He knew I needed a buddy in my life as much as Buddy needed me. So here he is in his fourth home, and I hope his last. I’ve had so many fun little journeys already and I look forward to the years with him, and with Olie and Rufus, who live with their “other” parents now. Each day I learn a little bit more about myself because of them.
So if you think you need a little extra love in your life, I encourage you to seek out the Humane Society, a local shelter, or a dog or cat rescue organization. They will work to help you find just the right friend who needs you as much as you need them. I pray you will bring that joy into your home and increase your family’s love for one of God‘s little creations. I think what an honor it is to be able to look after one of God‘s creations. It’s just that simple.
Mystic and trappist monk Thomas Merton often wrote about the true self versus the false self. In simple terms, the false self is the humanistic side of our personality and spiritual nature. It is the superficial nature of our being that glides through life unengaged with the Divine Creator and a life of compassion. The true self moves us from the posture of separateness from others and toward seeing others as through “the secret beauty of their hearts, the depths of their hearts where neither sin nor desire nor self-knowledge can reach, the core of their reality, the person that each one is in God’s eyes.”
The false self leads us to follow our own ways of self preservation and people pleasing to fit it. The false self are the masks we wear when we refuse to consider another way or perspective in our thinking of self and others. It is the place where pride or position block us from acknowledging when our decisions harm another. It can be a shadowing life of self existence which is earth-bound and with little spiritual connection to God. It is a picking and choosing of scripture that we use as a means to justify our inaction/action rather than using scripture to form and reshape us.
The past few months, I have been discovering my true self all over again. I lean toward the mystic side of things, meaning I love spending time in prayer and listening for the Holy Spirit to speak. I love moments of solitude when the divine imagination takes me places that seem unworldly. While I love a good liturgical service, it has always been the prayer time, and that special period leading up to the breaking of the bread and the pouring of the wine when I feel most connected to God.
For many years I wasn’t able to attend services because of my job. Over a period of time, I even became too exhausted to rest with the Lord. I stopped feeding my soul, and my soul began to grow shallow and empty. I became a shadow of who I really am as I struggled to survive on my own strength.
My new door hanger!
Beyond the spiritual life, I also set aside my heart of compassion and standing up for people different from me, especially those living in need of help to survive in these difficult times. I connected with people at different groups, but because of the conservative church that I attended, I kept quiet and in the shadows. I quietly supported the LGBTQ+ community, but never let it be known, except to a few friends. I quietly supported families with children/grandchildren who are a part of the LGBTQ+ community, who were also afraid of letting people know about their family. I watched the heartbreak and walked with them, in the shadows.
My heart ached for the immigrants and the way that they are being treated in our country today. I saw the hungry becoming more hungry in the economic upheaval in our country. I saw families who once had good government jobs shrink with embarrassment of their unemployment, and cried silently with them. But I did little more than pray and it grieves me as I reflect back on those times.
Serving our immigrant community.
Mostly, I stayed silent out of fear of losing my own job, and losing connection with the people in my conservative community that I have come to love. I put me before God and before others and failed to serve in the ways I have been gifted. I left my true self out for self preservation. I went dark in my lead to support others as I waited on others to lead. And I waited too long to be a part of the solution and change.
I got it wrong.
We studied Matthew 9 recently, and I was overwhelmed with the stories of love and compassion that Jesus had for the most despicable of people in his time, and the weakest of people in the community. Not only did he sit with the despised tax collectors, he invited one to become a follower. He met “across the aisle“ with people whose views were quite different from his, and that wanted to destroy his ministry and life. He listened to them and asked them questions so he could understand them, and hopefully they would understand him. He brought healing to the blind, the leper, the shunned woman, and many who were discarded by society.
That’s the Jesus I want to follow. That’s the Jesus with whom I connect. That is the Jesus who changed the law, and said it was simple. Just love the Divine and love others as we would be loved.
It is such a simple and basic formula, one that doesn’t require legislation to bash and destroy people who are different from us. The current administration, and Christians who support it, are moving towards belittling any person of color, any person with a different “lifestyle”, or who has a different belief—Christian or otherwise. That isn’t what I would consider an America modeled after our Lord Jesus Christ, which many claim we need.
So I ask you, have you read Matthew 9? Have you read Matthew 25? Have you read the stories of Jesus and his love and compassion for the least among us? Have you sat with those words and asked “Lord what does that mean for me and my heart and life?”
I invite you to come out of the shadows and take a stand, just like Jesus did, for the weak, for the abused, for the different than us. Take a stand, even if it means you may no longer worship in a church where you are worshiping. Take a stand, even if it means people who are close to you will disagree. Come out of the shadows and find your true self, find the heart of Jesus that resides deep in your soul, and then act according to his commands.
References:
Thomas Merton, Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander (Doubleday: 1966), 140-142.
Adapted from Matthew Fox, A Way To God: Thomas Merton’s Creation Spirituality Journey, p. 185.
This past week we celebrated the Ascension of Jesus as told by John. Diana Butler Bass describes this season between the Ascension and Pentacost as “readings emphasize our oneness with God, creation, and each other.” I felt that in my spirit as I reflected on the reading from John 17.
“So now, Father, glorify me in your own presence with the glory that I had in your presence before the world existed.”
Getty Images
Resting in the presence of your glorious being this day, we bask in the revelation of you the Creator; flesh in this world and Holy Spirit in our minds and bodies today. Surrounded by the angels and souls of your making, millions upon millions gaze upon your splendor.
You are the center of the heart of our life. You are everything. Soul of our soul. Created in your image we bear fruits of your spirit. Here among the created world, we live to share who you are, to love others in your way, and to be still with you.
Grant us peace this day in this world of chaos. Shine upon us. We see the radiation of your love and our heart is changed.
May the intolerant become tolerant. May the heartless have heart to love and care for others. May the strong be made weak in your sight and in your presence our lives be made wholly reliant upon your guidance.
Lead us as we follow you, the Divine, the magnificent, our all and all. In you and with you we find rest and peace this day and pray we reflect the image of your presence in us.
maggiemarcum 