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The Lighter Walk

Learning Love from our Four-legged Friends

I swore I would never have another dog. I have been spoiled by too many sweet pets in the past. I used to say that the perfect dog would have to find me because I wasn’t going looking. I just couldn’t imagine any new animal finding a way into my heart again like the previous ones had. 

And then along came Buddy.

Buddy Rescued!

All of my dogs have been rescues. Buddy was a special kind of rescue. He had been abandoned and stood barking on a dock, waiting for someone to hear him. We did,  and when he jumped up into the car and onto my lap, I knew he was a keeper. We would find out later that this was the third time he had been abandoned, and so leaving him in the shelter was a tough thing to do. As I waited out the 10 days for him to be legally free to come home, I questioned whether I was making the right decision.

And then it became clear that God had indeed “dropped him in my lap” to love and care for him. 

Bringing home a new dog with a history can be a little bit of a challenge. He is what we call a “reactive” dog. He’s a Chihuahua so that makes it even more complicated. I’ve come to understand that a reactive dog is kind of like a human who is anxious and may be suffering a little PTSD. The problem is our four-legged friends can’t really tell us what’s wrong and so unlike humans they bark and they growl and they jump around, hoping we will help them. At first it made me a little crazy, but now I understand that it’s his way of telling me: “Get me out of here- I don’t feel safe.” and it is my job to make sure he does feel safe.

Back from the groomer where he was an angel!

I’ve learned a lot about patience with him as we try different ways for him to be less reactive. He’s doing better now with other people—sometimes it’s just a slight “grrrr,” other times he loses his mind until I can snap him out of it or remove him from the situation. He’s helped me to recognize those signs in the humans around me too, and to be more patient and kind with them. Sometimes we humans need a safe space too! 

The thing with Rescue Dogs is you never really know what their situation was before they came into our lives. They may have been hurt and not loved by their owners. They may have been neglected or ignored in their homes. They may have had someone who was unkind and intimidated and yelled at them. The same is true for humans. We never really know what’s going on in someone’s past until we take time get to know them. So we tend to judge based on what we think we are seeing without knowing the backstory. We become impatient and judgmental and dismissive of others while the model of Jesus calls us to be patient, understanding, and kind. We so easily forget when people don’t measure up to our “standards.”

The apostle Peter talked about kindness coming from the Lord and how we learned to be kind because of the way Jesus taught us. Jesus taught us to be patient, and to be humble around those who need our love the most. It isn’t always easy, especially when someone is reactive to a situation. But love them we must, because after all, we are loved and should be compelled to pass that love and care to others. I wonder what it would look like if we applied the same patience, kindness, and even forgiveness we show our pets to our humans? 

So we added Buddy to the family of an unorthodox beagle, Olie, who is the opposite of Buddy. He was rescued from a farm where beagles were raised and mistreated. It took him a while too to trust us, and then to be able to trust others around him. In learning to trust us, he has learned to trust others. I think that’s what Jesus does right? We learned to trust God through him and then we learn to share that love and trust with others so that they can have that peace.

And then there is Rufus. We found Rufus in a shelter, emaciated and sad. His previous owner had accidentally closed the door on him and damaged his spine, so he wasn’t able to completely walk. It also meant he had a lot of accidents inside the house because he couldn’t go out or control his bladder. He was one unhappy little Chiweenie and also the most loving little fella- with a mighty bark! In Rufus we learned how to love and care for those in need. To forgive accidents or things beyond control. To be patient and kind as we care for those who can’t care for themselves. Now he is one happy puppy beginning the decline of old age. Love him we do.

Rufus and his wheels!

There is a saying about rescues. We think we are rescuing them, when in fact they rescue us. I didn’t know I needed to have someone to come home to every night, who needed attention and who needed to get outside in God‘s creation. But God did. He knew I needed a buddy in my life as much as Buddy needed me. So here he is in his fourth home, and I hope his last. I’ve had so many fun little journeys already and I look forward to the years with him, and with Olie and Rufus, who live with their “other” parents now. Each day I learn a little bit more about myself because of them.

So if you think you need a little extra love in your life, I encourage you to seek out the Humane Society, a local shelter, or a dog or cat rescue organization. They will work to help you find just the right friend who needs you as much as you need them. I pray you will bring that joy into your home and increase your family’s love for one of God‘s little creations. I think what an honor it is to be able to look after one of God‘s creations. It’s just that simple.

Categories
friendship Living in Singleness

As Simple as “Hello“

I’m at a transition point again. Leaving one group that I’ve been a part of for many years and looking for where I belong next. One of the most important things for me is to feel connected and a part of something bigger than myself. But that’s also really intimidating.

So I’ve dipped my toe into a few places. It hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be. Because all it takes is a simple “hello” to make one feel seen and welcome. Have you ever noticed the way someone lights up because someone smiled at them or said “Hello”? It’s amazing what one five-letter word can do for a person’s self worth.

My daughter is a nanny to a couple of really sweet girls. Every now and then they FaceTime me. It is so much fun because as soon as they see my face they start waving. I wave back and it’s just a hello- hello, back-and-forth. It’s probably one of the high points of my day because they are so excited to be seen and recognized and I get to be a part of their joy.

These days, we all seem to be walking around with a lot of stress and maybe even fear. There are so many perceived disagreements between us about country, faith, and even how to celebrate the holidays. I have discovered that merely smiling at someone in the grocery store usually elicits a smile back and in that brief moment of connection, each of us seem to say, we aren’t alone. I see you and you matter. It’s so simple to make someone’s day when you think about it.

I think about those times when I’ve seen a friend across the parking lot and run to them for a hug. The hug is the Hello. It says everything about how much we cherish one another. It is so childlike in its simplicity. And so very good for the soul.

I challenge you in the weeks ahead to just smile and say hello as you walk around. Take a moment at the checkout to ask how they are doing and to thank them for what they are doing. Take a risk and say hello to someone that you normally wouldn’t have a conversation with. The best relationships all began with.”hello.” Who knows what next relationship is waiting for you beyond that simple five-letter word. 

Categories
friendship The Lighter Walk

The Value of Friendship

There was a time in my life that I thought I would never have girlfriends. My childhood abuse twisted my thinking and I had mostly guy “friends.” I just didn’t know how to be friends with a woman.

Thanks to years of therapy and some incredible women who helped me heal from the trauma in my life- that all turned around in my late 40s. It was partly tied to being a mom and meeting other moms. But mostly, it was a change in my needs from needing a man to notice me, to having someone I could have an authentic life-sharing relationship with.

I have four life-long friends. We live in scattered parts of America and don’t have the day-to-day relationship we wish we did. I’m so thankful we were childhood friends. It reminds me that God places people in our lives when we need them, and boy did we need each other growing up! We trusted each other as teenagers do, with most of our inner secrets.

When I had my daughter, and took some time to deal with the childhood wounds, I had one friend who stood by me through all my emotional ups and downs. Who knew when we met as school-moms that we would be blessed to become such true friends. I met another sweet woman when my husband was in a major accident, who thought me to lean on a woman and trust them to walk with me. I also had the gift of a sister who protected me when I was young, and still walks through all the good, and not so good, moments of my life. It is a gift to share their moments with them and to navigate the waters of life together.

I have come to value and appreciate girlfriends in a way I never knew would be possible. Sadly, I have also found that women and friendships can fade away or be torn apart with no apparent reason. And I have found that when a friendship suddenly ends, it is as painful, if not more, as a broken love relationship. For me, I’m left questioning everything I did over our years of journeying together, trying to find that one moment where things broke down in hopes I can repair and restore our relationship.

I believe we each carry some bit of wounding from our past. When that wounding isn’t healed (and sometimes even when it is) and something subconsciously reminds us of it, we tend to flee to avoid further pain. We may fire up and fight against the perceived infliction of further injury- or we just shut down, unable to process or articulate what has occurred. I know that has been true for me.

Sadly, those reactions usually end a relationship over what could be a misspoken word, an unintentional action, or lack of knowledge of one’s sensitivity. We as women can far too quickly internalize an offense and turn on one another, destroying a valuable relationship.

Why are we willing to shatter something that is such a gift to have? Why would we so easily give away a deep sense of being known by another person? Why would we not trust each other with this kind of personal wounding when we have already shared so much? What makes us stop short when we need to say: “What you said/did hurt me.”

I sit today grieving over another broken relationship that I don’t know how to mend. It isn’t the first time I have had to question myself and my behavior, searching to understand my error. I wish I could restore the friendships that faded away or abruptly ended; however, I know that may never happen. That adds to my sorrow.

I hope I can learn from this. I hope I can let God heal my new wound. I pray he would intervene and bring restoration in our broken friendships. I pray for each of us, that we would see each new handshake and introduction as an opportunity to build a new friendship. I know we are made to be in relationship and I won’t give that up. I am willing to take the risk again. I hope you too will find resolution in broken relationships and either rebuild them or learn and move forward into the next one.

Today, I am thankful for all the relationships I have had. I am grateful for the times we shared, even if they ended. And I appreciate the new relationships God continues to lead me toward and hopeful that they can become good lasting friendships too.

Categories
Living Loving Serving Transformation Stories

When Change Means Asking Hard Questions

I am one of those people who isn’t afraid to ask the tough question. I love to get people thinking about opposing viewpoints or scenarios. When these are thoughtful civil discussions, we can begin to see that the alternative perspective has merit. We can begin to incorporate those perspectives into our own and realize a change in ourselves.

Categories
Living Loving Serving

Imparity Lament – We Can Do Better

I was asked the other day to think about the things that matter to me the most, the things I am passionate about, and those things that bring me joy. I am at a crossroads and seeking how to hear God in new ways and to uncover where he is leading me next. My mind went from what I do and what brings me joy to what really gets under my skin that I have been ignoring out of a fear that I will once again be rejected for what God is putting on my heart. So here I go with phase one of my journey of discovering where God and I will be walking next.

What Gets My Goat

– or those issues I see around me in a church setting, in religious discussion, and inflicted upon people I love and care about. They break down into four key issues of imparity or inequality. Race/immigration, age, gender, and marital status. Places where I have seen, and in some cases experienced, discrimination against someone because they are from outside my culture, older or younger, male, female, part of the LGBTQ community, and unmarried persons–be that never married, widowed, or especially divorced. I have walked through all of these areas as a senior citizen, a mother and friend, and as someone married, divorced, and widowed. I have sat with people living through the pain inflicted upon them by people at work, so-called well-intentioned friends, and religious communities. Unfortunately, their stories are painful and seldom filled with the love and joy that Jesus wished for us and commanded us to offer. The “church” can do better – we can love better, we can stand stronger as allies, we can follow Jesus and enter into places that seem so unholy and care better.

I can do better.

Categories
Living in Singleness

Walking Alone After Our Loss

The Single Walk is not always an easy one. It is frequently more difficult for people who have been in long-standing relationships who now find themselves walking alone. Singles struggle to find a new way to fit into community, especially religious community, following the end of a life with a partner.

Some of us are single because the person we planned to spend all our years with has died or left us. The singleness that comes from the death of our partner can leave us in un-imagined pain and grief. A divorce, or end of a committed partnership, can do the same for many; even when we might agree with the decision to terminate the relationship. We go from two to one. We are no longer part of the “couples community” and we aren’t quite ready to function as a single person. This is especially true for the widow/widower who may remain married in their heart.

Categories
The Lighter Walk

Friendship Walk

It has taken me a long time to have a friendship with God. We were more the ‘casual acquaintance’ type for many years.  Oh sure, we had our moments of closeness when I cried out in despair for help, not fully expecting to receive any help. And there were those ‘ah ha’ moments on spiritual retreats when I got all caught up in emotions of the worship and the message.

Real friendship was another thing. I still remember walking to communion one Sunday as the band played a song about Jesus being my friend and I realized that I didn’t feel that way. It broke my heart that others could know him that way but I didn’t. I mean I have been a Christian all my life so how could I not feel Jesus was my friend? Friendship implies a close relationship, a sharing of secrets, a deliberate presence in each other’s lives, and time spent together through all the good and bad times.

Wasn’t that Jesus?

Categories
Living in Singleness

Living in Singleness

Singleness can be defined as simply “living without a spouse.” We are single for many different reason—some by choice and some through circumstances. One thing I have found to be true with many of the singles I have spoken with, is that single does not have to mean lonely or that we are living without purpose. Just because we do not have a spouse or partner does not mean that we have to be trolling the bars looking for love or sitting home alone with nothing to do.

We come to our singleness from many pathways. We are the young who have yet to meet that first true lasting love of our life. We are the never-marrieds who are desperately hoping that God will provide a mate for us. We are the divorced, weather by our choice or by someone else’s actions. We are the widowed who love our spouses and are content that we had that “one great love.” And some of us are single by choice—the ones who have dedicated their lives in service to others with no strings attached.

Categories
A Psalm 25 Study for Personal Transformation My Faith & Transformation Journey

Letting Go of Resentments with Mercy

Holding on to our resentments does less to the person we are angry with and more to hurt ourselves. Learning to release the person who offended us from our hate list may take real effort on our part, especially if they have been on the list for some time. Did you know that resentment is just another word for jealous? Did you know that mercy is the greatest gift you can offer another and yourself at the same time?

Offering mercy may take a deliberate effort on your part. It means offering forgiveness and meaning it. It means treating the other person with God’s love when your love isn’t there. It means being kind and treating the other person with understanding that we too are not perfect and we may have some responsibility for the situation. It means being compassionate when they hurt instead of laughing. And it does mean celebrating when good things come their way, even when we would like to think the good fortune should be ours. Mercy is sincere—it can’t be faked because above all, mercy means that we pray for all things God would have in their lives. We especially pray that they know the Lord and are transformed by his love and mercy. We ask that we too are transformed as we pray for them.

My daughter is one the greatest examples of a mercy-giver that I know. Even as a teenager she could find a way to forgive or overlook a person’s misdeeds toward her. She always seems to take the high road in relationships and give it one—or seven times seven— more chances. I have seen her rekindle relationships that I would never have gone back to and I have seen her grow more as she let go of her resentment. I have seen the freedom that comes from her mercy. She is the kid whose friends turned away from her when she wouldn’t go down the path they were heading, and still she managed to re-establish friendships with some of those people years later because she was willing to let the past be in the past. Like many young women, she has been hurt in relationships, and yet she has found a way to forgive and accept rich friendships on new terms. She has even shown her old mom mercy from time to time, understanding that I make mistakes and sometimes my problems have caused rather uncomfortable circumstances for us. She keeps moving forward and she inspires me to be all those things Jesus told us to be. She is one of the best examples I have of living a life in the image of Jesus.

As we ask for God’s mercy when we are in distress or have acted in a way that does not honor him, let us ask that he show us to whom we need to extend the same kind of mercy. We ask that he change our hearts and save us from carrying a burning coal that eats through our own heart. We ask for all things good for those we resent or envy and that we can be happy for their success. We ask to see them as God does, knowing he loves them. We ask that he inspire us to get on a path that takes us forward and frees us of the burden of disdain we carry.

Do you have a way you approach others with mercy? Do you have a success story of a time you gave or received mercy? I would love to hear your story. Please share it in the comments below.

“Turn to me and have mercy on me, for I am alone and in deep distress.” Psalm 25:16
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