Tag: LGBTQ

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Living Loving Serving Transformation Stories

What We Learn From Hearing Others

For many years I sat on the fence between conservativism and progressivism. I tend to be much more of a centerist because I want to bring people together. I’m not a peacemaker by nature, but I am a connectedness person and I love connecting people in ways they didn’t think was possible.

I have lived the life of ultra conservatism, purity culture, and probably a version of what is today called Christian nationalism. And my heart has lived in the liberal world of same-sex relationships, loving the transgender, even supporting Roe v Wade, although my heart believes in the sanctity of life. I have moved from so many of the firm positions I was taught to uphold, because I was willing to listen.

There was a period in my church life when we were told to never look at anything outside of what that sect was teaching. To even consider reading anything like that was to crack the heart open and allow the devil to take a stronghold. Harry Potter was off the table for sure. But so were books that explored different versions of the Bible, different understandings of the Bible, and different ways of living a Christ-centered life.

Heaven forbid we read anything about any other form of spirituality, especially those mystics!

And so I closed my eyes and my ears to what might be different. I refused to even entertain that what I was hearing might not be fully correct. Because if we don’t read something different, if we don’t listen to it, if we only feed ourselves were the same firmly bound beliefs; we might just be missing the enormous pieces of wisdom, grace, and love the Divine Teacher has for us.

We might actually see that God intended more for us. At the end of the day, it really is about understanding God‘s intent for us, Jesus as the story and model for our lives, and then allowing the Holy Spirit to bring those words and stories to life in a new way every day. It’s funny that we were taught that the Bible is a living word, and yet we weren’t allowed to think or imagine with the Holy Spirit. We could only accept what the leaders of the church told us to be truth.

I read 2 Corinthians “Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you,” and what I hear is God’s love is big enough for us to hear each other with respect and find our common ground in ONE God and creator.

It may feel as if you have put a target on your back if you are brave enough to step away from the pulpit truth of your brand of religion. I remember the first time I heard about deconstruction and I was appalled that anyone would question what we knew to be true. What we were told was true- end of story- there was no exploring other translations or theologies. How dare anyone think differently? How dare they challenge the beliefs held to be the only real truth about Godly-living.

What if truth is broader then we were taught and what if our lives are changed? What if the Divine Creator isn’t finished creating new things in our lives?

Years later, I had to apologize to those seeking Divine Wisdom, for my lack of understanding. I have apologized to others for my blind obedience to a hurtful teaching. I have had to acknowledge that God‘s world is wide and deep and welcomes all who follow him. He welcomes all who have a heart and a desire to be transformed into the loving image in which we were created. ALL There is so much space in this world for us to experience God, and then to live out the message of Jesus. It is God’s choice—not mine.

I don’t want to be the obstacle to someone experiencing the whole of the Infinite Spirit.

But we have to be willing to listen, to ponder, and to consider that on our path of curious discovery, we might need to adjust our course and change our thinking. We might need to consider that there is another way to love one another as God has so loved us. We might have to consider that Jesus was not a political leader, he did not come to change the political landscape of the world, and we should not be using him to enforce a Pharisee-type living of rules enforced to protect ourselves. Only the Living Spirit of the Divine can do that, and we need to connect more with that power, not an earthly power. We can’t force or coerce the heart of God on others my creating more laws to “protect ourselves” from perceived evil. We must put our faith in the words of Jesus and confess when we do something harmful to others and change our course to align with the Holy One, not the elected one.

For Jesus left us with a helper to navigate the rivers of love ahead of us. He showed us to  love and care for people differently. He showed us it wasn’t about legislating to get our way; it was about loving to show HIS  way. Just like Nicodemus and the Centurion and the many many more who came to change their lives because of the teachings of Jesus and the apostles, we must be willing to consider that there is a better way to love one another and to care for one another.

So yes, it was me digging my heals in that kept me from seeing the overwhelming love and power of the Godhead. It was me that built a wall between myself and others. It was me who missed out on joy because I was too worried about breaking rules. It was me who thought we needed laws to protect our brand of faith.

It was me who was taught and came to believe that nothing good could come from trusting God to actually lead the way.

And it is me who today loves all boldly and proudly. It is me who opened my mind and heart to be changed. And it is the wonderful loving gracious God who invites you to do the same. May your journey take you places you never imagined!

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The Lighter Walk Transformation Stories

Out of the Shadows

Mystic and trappist monk Thomas Merton often wrote about the true self versus the false self. In simple terms, the false self is the humanistic side of our personality and spiritual nature. It is the superficial nature of our being that glides through life unengaged with the Divine Creator and a life of compassion. The true self moves us from the posture of separateness from others and toward seeing others as through “the secret beauty of their hearts, the depths of their hearts where neither sin nor desire nor self-knowledge can reach, the core of their reality, the person that each one is in God’s eyes.” 

The false self leads us to follow our own ways of self preservation and people pleasing to fit it. The false self are the masks we wear when we refuse to consider another way or perspective in our thinking of self and others. It is the place where pride or position block us from acknowledging when our decisions harm another. It can be a shadowing life of self existence which is earth-bound and with little spiritual connection to God. It is a picking and choosing of scripture that we use as a means to justify our inaction/action rather than using scripture to form and reshape us. 

The past few months, I have been discovering my true self all over again. I lean toward the mystic side of things, meaning I love spending time in prayer and listening for the Holy Spirit to speak. I love moments of solitude when the divine imagination takes me places that seem unworldly. While I love a good liturgical service, it has always been the prayer time, and that special period leading up to the breaking of the bread and the pouring of the wine when I feel most connected to God.

For many years I wasn’t able to attend services because of my job. Over a period of time, I even became too exhausted to rest with the Lord. I stopped feeding my soul, and my soul began to grow shallow and empty. I became a shadow of who I really am as I struggled to survive on my own strength.

My new door hanger!

Beyond the spiritual life, I also set aside my heart of compassion and standing up for people different from me, especially those living in need of help to survive in these difficult times. I connected with people at different groups, but because of the conservative church that I attended, I kept quiet and in the shadows. I quietly supported the LGBTQ+ community, but never let it be known, except to a few friends. I quietly supported families with children/grandchildren who are a part of the LGBTQ+ community, who were also afraid of letting people know about their family. I watched the heartbreak and walked with them, in the shadows.

My heart ached for the immigrants and the way that they are being treated in our country today. I saw the hungry becoming more hungry in the economic upheaval in our country. I saw families who once had good government jobs shrink with  embarrassment of their unemployment, and cried silently with them. But I did little more than pray and it grieves me as I reflect back on those times.

Serving our immigrant community.

Mostly, I stayed silent out of fear of losing my own job, and losing connection with the people in my conservative community that I have come to love. I put me before God and before others and failed to serve in the ways  I have been gifted. I left my true self out for self preservation. I went dark in my lead to support others as I waited on others to lead. And I waited too long to be a part of the solution and change.

I got it wrong.

We studied Matthew 9 recently, and I was overwhelmed with the stories of love and compassion that Jesus had for the most despicable of people in his time, and the weakest of people in the community. Not only did he sit with the despised tax collectors, he invited one to become a follower. He met “across the aisle“ with people whose views were quite different from his, and that wanted to destroy his ministry and life. He listened to them and asked them questions so he could understand them, and hopefully they would understand him. He brought healing to the blind, the leper, the shunned woman, and many who were discarded by society.

That’s the Jesus I want to follow. That’s the Jesus with whom I connect. That is the Jesus who changed the law, and said it was simple. Just love the Divine and love others as we would be loved. 

It is such a simple and basic formula, one that doesn’t require legislation to bash and destroy people who are different from us. The current administration, and Christians who support it, are moving towards belittling any person of color, any person with a different “lifestyle”, or who has a different belief—Christian or otherwise. That isn’t what I would consider an America  modeled after our Lord Jesus Christ, which many claim we need.

So I ask you, have you read Matthew 9? Have you read Matthew 25? Have you read the stories of Jesus and his love and compassion for the least among us? Have you sat with those words and asked “Lord what does that mean for me and my heart and life?”

I invite you to come out of the shadows and take a stand, just like Jesus did, for the weak, for the abused, for the different than us. Take a stand, even if it means you may no longer worship in a church where you are worshiping. Take a stand, even if it means people who are close to you will disagree. Come out of the shadows and find your true self, find the heart of Jesus that resides deep in your soul, and then act according to his commands.

References:

Thomas Merton, Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander (Doubleday: 1966), 140-142.

Adapted from Matthew Fox, A Way To God: Thomas Merton’s Creation Spirituality Journey, p. 185.

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Living Loving Serving

The Gift of my Church Community

This has been the summer I fully embraced the community of my church family. The one where I attend services and the one that has connected me with some life-long friends and acquaintances. It has been a summer of gathering together socially and spiritually. Mostly, it has been the best time I have had in years and I am beyond grateful.

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Living Loving Serving Transformation Stories

Respecting the Change

Change is hard. Change brings unfamiliarity. Change can be external to us while processed internally. Change can bring up feelings we never knew we had. Change can send us into a dark place or it can open the door to new opportunities. Change can make us angry or it can bring a sense of relief. Yes, change can be hard.

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Living Loving Serving Transformation Stories

Hate, Fear, and Faith

Please forgive me if my language is clumsy or inadequate. I am a work in progress and happily take your suggestions on how to improve.

I grew up in a military environment that was pretty well integrated. My best friends as a kid were African American and Jewish. I learned the best parts of their heritage and was shielded from the bias against them. As a teen, two of my best friends were of Asian descent. I never saw any hate directed toward them, or if there was any, they didn’t tell me. I dated people from many backgrounds and races, yet my parents made it clear that these were unacceptable long-term relationships. I was raised in the Roman Catholic faith and because my dad’s best friends were Jewish, we learned to respect their faith. In spite of all that, there were still derogatory terms used by adults around me: the N-word, the f-g word, the S-word (you get the gist) that was perfectly acceptable to them. There was an undertone that as alike as we were, we were still superior in some way because we were white and Catholic/Christian.

These are concepts that are hard for me to reconcile today. How could I grow up with such welcomed diversity and acceptance and yet still a sense that I was “better than” because of my skin color or faith? How could I have been so blind to the prejudice and hate my friends likely experienced on a regular basis? I have had to search my heart and soul to ask when I have, even in some small way, passed on that negative heritage to my daughter. How have I taken the subtle superiority of my parent’s generation and filtered relationships- personal and professional- through that negative lens?

As someone who believes we are ALL created in the image of God, we are all loved by him and we all have value and worth in his eyes; how do I reconcile those derogatory tapes in my past against the backdrop that my own family today includes Asians, African-Americans, LGBTQ+ people whom I dearly love? How do I do a better job of loving and caring for people who are not like me?

I start with asking forgiveness for my naivety and ignorance. I ask the Lord to break the chains to any past behaviors and thought patterns. I start the conversation with friends and family and seek to learn more about walking in their shoes. And I walk more closely with them.

I have to be responsible for taking off my blinders and my disbelief that prejudice and hate exist. I need be more deliberate in standing for my friends and family- asking them how best to do that. It isn’t about what I think they need and want- it is about asking them what I can do and standing with them. That’s how we break our own bias and preconceived notions. I will seek to be more informed and more engaged and more respectful of others.

Lord, forgive me when I have closed my eyes to the inequality toward your people. Forgive me for my own pride and superior attitude. Lord, open my eyes and ears and use me as an instrument of your change. Father, guide our nation to be welcoming and change our hearts to see each other as valuable, regardless of color, culture, religion, or life-style. Start with me father.

Photo: Getty images

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Living Loving Serving Transformation Stories

When Change Means Asking Hard Questions

I am one of those people who isn’t afraid to ask the tough question. I love to get people thinking about opposing viewpoints or scenarios. When these are thoughtful civil discussions, we can begin to see that the alternative perspective has merit. We can begin to incorporate those perspectives into our own and realize a change in ourselves.

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Living Loving Serving

Pride Family

Are you a parent or grandparent with dreams that your child will find love and happiness in life? Are you finding out that child or grandchild is part of the LGBTQ+ community and trying to come to terms with it as it counters what your faith tells you? Have you prayed because you love this child and are still trusting that God is with them, as he has been all their life- even though it may mean you have to reconsider everything you once believed?

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Living Loving Serving

Radical Love in Radical Times

I want to love more like Jesus.

How many times have you said that to yourself? How many times have you prayed to live more like Jesus, to have a heart like Jesus, and to treat others like Jesus did. Have you asked God to give you a heart that fights against injustice and a passion for change?

I fall short of that all the time and I am beginning to realize that while they are nice sentiments, I don’t know the first thing about changing in a way that is meaningful to others. I want to be that person that walks across the street to help the one others ignore rather than to cross the street to avoid people I have been trained to fear. I want to sit among the “sinners” and hear their stories and stand with the brokenhearted, the marginalized, and the mistreated.

I want to love like Jesus.

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Living Loving Serving

Imparity Lament – We Can Do Better

I was asked the other day to think about the things that matter to me the most, the things I am passionate about, and those things that bring me joy. I am at a crossroads and seeking how to hear God in new ways and to uncover where he is leading me next. My mind went from what I do and what brings me joy to what really gets under my skin that I have been ignoring out of a fear that I will once again be rejected for what God is putting on my heart. So here I go with phase one of my journey of discovering where God and I will be walking next.

What Gets My Goat

– or those issues I see around me in a church setting, in religious discussion, and inflicted upon people I love and care about. They break down into four key issues of imparity or inequality. Race/immigration, age, gender, and marital status. Places where I have seen, and in some cases experienced, discrimination against someone because they are from outside my culture, older or younger, male, female, part of the LGBTQ community, and unmarried persons–be that never married, widowed, or especially divorced. I have walked through all of these areas as a senior citizen, a mother and friend, and as someone married, divorced, and widowed. I have sat with people living through the pain inflicted upon them by people at work, so-called well-intentioned friends, and religious communities. Unfortunately, their stories are painful and seldom filled with the love and joy that Jesus wished for us and commanded us to offer. The “church” can do better – we can love better, we can stand stronger as allies, we can follow Jesus and enter into places that seem so unholy and care better.

I can do better.

Continue reading “Imparity Lament – We Can Do Better”
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