Matthew 9 – maggiemarcum

Out of the Shadows

Mystic and trappist monk Thomas Merton often wrote about the true self versus the false self. In simple terms, the false self is the humanistic side of our personality and spiritual nature. It is the superficial nature of our being that glides through life unengaged with the Divine Creator and a life of compassion. The true self moves us from the posture of separateness from others and toward seeing others as through “the secret beauty of their hearts, the depths of their hearts where neither sin nor desire nor self-knowledge can reach, the core of their reality, the person that each one is in God’s eyes.”

The false self leads us to follow our own ways of self preservation and people pleasing to fit it. The false self are the masks we wear when we refuse to consider another way or perspective in our thinking of self and others. It is the place where pride or position block us from acknowledging when our decisions harm another. It can be a shadowing life of self existence which is earth-bound and with little spiritual connection to God. It is a picking and choosing of scripture that we use as a means to justify our inaction/action rather than using scripture to form and reshape us.

The past few months, I have been discovering my true self all over again. I lean toward the mystic side of things, meaning I love spending time in prayer and listening for the Holy Spirit to speak. I love moments of solitude when the divine imagination takes me places that seem unworldly. While I love a good liturgical service, it has always been the prayer time, and that special period leading up to the breaking of the bread and the pouring of the wine when I feel most connected to God.

For many years I wasn’t able to attend services because of my job. Over a period of time, I even became too exhausted to rest with the Lord. I stopped feeding my soul, and my soul began to grow shallow and empty. I became a shadow of who I really am as I struggled to survive on my own strength.

Beyond the spiritual life, I also set aside my heart of compassion and standing up for people different from me, especially those living in need of help to survive in these difficult times. I connected with people at different groups, but because of the conservative church that I attended, I kept quiet and in the shadows. I quietly supported the LGBTQ+ community, but never let it be known, except to a few friends. I quietly supported families with children/grandchildren who are a part of the LGBTQ+ community, who were also afraid of letting people know about their family. I watched the heartbreak and walked with them, in the shadows.

My heart ached for the immigrants and the way that they are being treated in our country today. I saw the hungry becoming more hungry in the economic upheaval in our country. I saw families who once had good government jobs shrink with embarrassment of their unemployment, and cried silently with them. But I did little more than pray and it grieves me as I reflect back on those times.

Mostly, I stayed silent out of fear of losing my own job, and losing connection with the people in my conservative community that I have come to love. I put me before God and before others and failed to serve in the ways I have been gifted. I left my true self out for self preservation. I went dark in my lead to support others as I waited on others to lead. And I waited too long to be a part of the solution and change.

I got it wrong.

We studied Matthew 9 recently, and I was overwhelmed with the stories of love and compassion that Jesus had for the most despicable of people in his time, and the weakest of people in the community. Not only did he sit with the despised tax collectors, he invited one to become a follower. He met “across the aisle“ with people whose views were quite different from his, and that wanted to destroy his ministry and life. He listened to them and asked them questions so he could understand them, and hopefully they would understand him. He brought healing to the blind, the leper, the shunned woman, and many who were discarded by society.

That’s the Jesus I want to follow. That’s the Jesus with whom I connect. That is the Jesus who changed the law, and said it was simple. Just love the Divine and love others as we would be loved.

It is such a simple and basic formula, one that doesn’t require legislation to bash and destroy people who are different from us. The current administration, and Christians who support it, are moving towards belittling any person of color, any person with a different “lifestyle”, or who has a different belief—Christian or otherwise. That isn’t what I would consider an America modeled after our Lord Jesus Christ, which many claim we need.

So I ask you, have you read Matthew 9? Have you read Matthew 25? Have you read the stories of Jesus and his love and compassion for the least among us? Have you sat with those words and asked “Lord what does that mean for me and my heart and life?”

I invite you to come out of the shadows and take a stand, just like Jesus did, for the weak, for the abused, for the different than us. Take a stand, even if it means you may no longer worship in a church where you are worshiping. Take a stand, even if it means people who are close to you will disagree. Come out of the shadows and find your true self, find the heart of Jesus that resides deep in your soul, and then act according to his commands.

References:

Thomas Merton, Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander (Doubleday: 1966), 140-142.

Adapted from Matthew Fox, A Way To God: Thomas Merton’s Creation Spirituality Journey, p. 185.

The Line Between Can’t and Won’t

We’ve all said it: “I can’t right now,” and we usually launch into a litany of reasons as to why we “can’t” do something. I don’t think many of us ever say, “I won’t” do something; however, we frequently mean won’t when we say can’t.

Have you ever been in that place that something just tugs at your heart? It seems no matter where you go something reminds you of that urge. Is there some thing that you strongly believe should be changed or improved and you wish you could be a part of the change? Do you know someone who is passionate about a social injustice or mission area and you have often thought “I could never do that.”

The Bible is full of stories of people who said “I can’t” to God. Jonah was directed by God to deliver a message to Nineveh that could change their lives. Jonah took off in the opposite direction, was swallowed up by a big fish, he prayed, and God sent him back to Nineveh. He didn’t think he had what it took to deliver a dangerous message, and yet God called him to this mission and it was worth it in the end as lives were changed.

When we say “I can’t,” Jesus says, “I will.” The apostles frequently questioned Jesus when he told them to do something. Just look at the way the disciples grumbled when Jesus said to get food for the 4,000 plus followers who sat and listened to Jesus. “Where would we get enough food here in the wilderness for such a huge crowd?” They were done and ready to just leave. Jesus, however, had other plans and fed all who stayed and even had food leftover. We need to trust that if we are willing to say “yes” the Holy Spirit will overcome our fears and great things can happen.

Taking action is one of the most beneficial things we can do for ourselves. When we say yes and shift our focus to the needs of other people, we change ourselves. When we ask others to pray with us to discern the next right step to take, we are uplifted and spiritually nourished. When we trust the call we hear and step forward, God steps forward with us. I believe we are closest to God when we are fulfilling the mission he sets before us–even when that mission or call surprises us.

If you are hanging on to a call, if you have heard from the Lord, or if you are waiting for clarity, I encourage you to seek the prayerful partnership of others for the courage to take the first step. Ask for prayer to overcome your fear and prayer for an open door through which you will walk. And then walk on my friends–walk on in faith and joy.

He said to his disciples, “The harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields.” Matthew 9