Boomer Living Living in Singleness

Caught in the Dating Trap

No matter how young or old we are, looking for love can turn us into someone who we are not. We can easily get caught in the trap of acting one way and feeling another way just to snare a potential life partner. And then one day we realize that the person who has fallen for us has no earthly clue who we are, and we begin to wonder when the lid will blow on the lie we have been living. Change is a good and positive thing; however, let’s make sure we are changing for all the right reasons—because we see something in ourselves that needs transformation.

Someone told me a long time ago to be the person we hope to have in our lives. That may mean that we need to make some changes in our lives. That does NOT mean to become a fake. What it does mean is: if we want someone in our life that is responsible and capable of providing for themselves; then we need to be financially responsible for ourselves as well. If we want someone who is healthy and energetic, we may need to change how we eat and get to the gym. If we want someone who wants to help others and has a strong commitment to their faith, then get out there and find a service project and a good church. My young adult daughter inspired this article as she navigates the dating world. She posted the following on social media the other day and it made me realize how easy it is to fall into the trap of doing what we do for other than ourselves:

“Alright, let’s clarify something. I’m losing weight to make me a healthier person, not because I need to change for anyone. You should never have to change your outward appearance for anybody. If I was doing it for anyone other than myself I would have quit months ago, like every time before. Something I have been thinking about for a while are the guys who are so caught up in what everyone else will think if they show up to something with a girl who isn’t stick thin, because oh my goodness, he likes big girls! Freak the freak out everybody. And then as a domino, you have girls who become so self-conscious because of these boys. We as girls begin to think, “What if I’m bigger and he is embarrassed?” Well I have one thing to say to this as it is something I struggle with myself: if he is too embarrassed to be seen with a bigger girl that he finds attractive, he isn’t the boy for you. This sucks and it is a hard pill to swallow, but if he’s the right one for you, he will show you off like you are his prize….”

Be who you are and don’t trick or trap someone by being who you aren’t. Don’t make changes just to attract a mate because chances are, you won’t last long when the real you emerges. Build your relationships on the basics: who you are, where you spend your time, and what you believe in. Be the best version of the person God is shaping you into and you may find the best person for who you are standing right next to you.


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