Pride Family

Are you a parent or grandparent with dreams that your child will find love and happiness in life? Are you finding out that child or grandchild is part of the LGBTQ+ community and trying to come to terms with it as it counters what your faith tells you? Have you prayed because you love this child and are still trusting that God is with them, as he has been all their life- even though it may mean you have to reconsider everything you once believed?

As a member of a conservative church, this was at first an uncomfortable process for me. I have many gay, lesbian, and transgender friends and family who I deeply respect and love. I have never hid that my initial understanding of the Bible is that marriage is between and man and a woman. Our relationship has allowed us to have rich conversations as we shared our views and sought to understand those differences. At the end of those conversations I always left feeling that their life was authentic and that their loving relationships were genuine.

And they have also led me to question my own belief system as I walk and talk with them.

I am finding there are many parents, grandparents and siblings with LGBTQ+ family in my conservative circle. Many just don’t talk about it for fear they will be ostracized from the community that God has brought them to and in which they have made wonderful friendships. There has been a “suffer in silence” mentality among them and as a result, it hasn’t always been easy to share the joys of a child’s marriage or other accomplishments. For some, they never even mention those members of their family to people in church.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:113-14)

Sadly, many of these children also don’t feel comfortable in their own family churches. They can attend a service with family and maybe volunteer in certain limited areas, as long as no one really knows the “truth” about them. They are not allowed to marry in these churches and even if they have a civil service, they still aren’t allowed in positions of leadership. They are believers who want to grow in their faith and they are broken-hearted because they can’t really do that with their families. The alternative options for church aren’t always appealing to them either.

For me, I know that God keeps telling me to love better. Love people who are not like me in the way Jesus loved people who were not like him. He saw their true value and worth as God’s creations and loved them where they were. He called them out of sin, as he calls all of us out of sin. I’m just not as convinced as I once was that I need to point to love as sin as much as I think hate is contrary to what Jesus taught us.

How do we love our LGBTQ+ children better? How do we as parents openly acknowledge and love our children in our communities? How do we lift a sense of shame that is cast on parents as failures?

We start by coming together and creating a safe place to listen. We start with honest discussions about how we struggle to be accepting. We don’t judge or shame. We share, care, and pray.

I would love to hear from parents, grandparents, siblings and friends who want to explore love and faith and support one another. We have a safe space here in Virginia. Just reach out.