pain – maggiemarcum

…is is hard not to.

We all have our stories about that horrible morning on September 11, 25 years ago. We all remember where we were when the first plane hit. We remember sitting in front of our TVs when the second plane hit, and then the Pentagon and hearing about Pennsylvania and Flight 93. Even those who were young children that day, can’t seem to forget it either. It was just so overwhelming and unbelievable.

For any of us anywhere near these tragic moments, I think it hits even harder. I remember it was a late morning for me because my daughter’s school had just started and I hadn’t yet gone into work. I was just getting ready to leave, after watching the second plane hit, when my boss called and said our government building was being evacuated and stay home. We weren’t sure if we too were a target following the attack on the Pentagon. We waited the hours to hear about colleagues working at the Pentagon to know if they were safe. Some were physically safe, but never mentally or emotionally safe again after that. And some were forever lost.

Do you remember what it was like around the Washington DC area? The streets were quiet. The stores closed. We walked in the evening looking up as fighter planes flew over. It seemed like it went on forever. We walked around like zombies in full shock. Churches and other places of worship were full as we all sought some sort of understanding and peace about what had happened. Our family would later join others in prayer vigils near the Pentagon.

As the days unfolded, turning to months and now years, September 11 will always be a painful day. Try not to watch too much of the news. It’s easy for us to be re-traumatized. I remember it was one of the first times we all sat glued to the TV watching over and over and over what happened. There’s no need to do that again today. Those memories are wired into our brain, never to be forgotten.

This is a day to reach out to those you love and remind them how much you love them. It is a day to spend some time in quiet prayer, praying for families and friends impacted by this tragedy. It is a day to set aside politics and remember that this was an attack on all of us. And it is a day to remember that The Divine remains The Divine and we are not alone.

We often say our lives were changed for the better following the attacks. Those first few weeks and months, we seem to have been kinder to one another. We needed to be so gentle because the pain was so overwhelming. As we watched the trauma of digging out in New York, the clearing of the Pentagon, and the resolve of those in Pennsylvania, we all tried to stand a little stronger and a little kinder. If nothing else today, let us remember to be those people again. Say hello to your neighbor, nod your head, knowing that together we feel the pain and let us also feel hope.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”– 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Stuck

There are days when the mud seems to rise too high for us to fight it back. Maybe we have become entangled in a net and can’t get loose. Stuck, trapped, snared, and unable to move. We have forgotten what light looks like anymore and we fear we may never see it again; if we ever really saw the light in the first place. It is a hard place to be and even harder to explain it to another.

I can remember those times all too well in my life. I would lie curled up in my bed and ask myself: “how on earth did I ever get into this mess?” Sometimes I knew it was because of the decisions I had made, other times I wasn’t as sure. You know that feeling: your stomach churns and the tears flow and you hide from your family and friends because you don’t want to be a burden? Those are the days when we don’t even want to see our counselor or hit a meeting because we are so sure that even they would never get it.

What if you could see just a sliver of light? Would you be willing to take advantage of that sliver of light and believe that maybe, just maybe there was more where that came from? For me it started with a prayer. Oh, I couldn’t pray it. I had to ask someone else to pray it until I could. Yes, that meant I actually had to answer the phone or the text!!

I needed a rescue. No one I knew could give it to me; however, there were people who would help me to find it. I didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling forever and the only way out was to send a distress signal out to a friend. That friend needed to be someone I could trust and someone who I knew would send up prayers on my behalf. I knew my eyes needed to be on God to get out of the mess, but I just didn’t have it in me.

Slowly, I was able to look forward because looking back did no good. I couldn’t change what had happened but I could change the present and thus the future. Those prayers eventually became my prayer. Psalm 25 became my strength. I couldn’t read it all but I kept asking God to show me what to do next, even if next was only getting up and going to work. Hours became days became weeks became months became years.

My ability to stand up and let go of the pain did not come overnight. It came by having someone else help me cut the net from my feet and pull me out of the mud. And once out, it took my commitment and motivation to change. It is a daily struggle, because life is a daily struggle. Today I get out of the mud a lot faster. I tell others quicker. I pray before I slip into the mud bath and I don’t get tangled up like I used to.

Please, please; reach out today if this is your story. If there is no one you know, look up a church with a prayer line and call them. Just tell them you hurt and you need prayer. Get up and find a counselor whose name you like and give them a try. Go to a Celebrate Recovery meeting or other 12 step and meet people who have walked where you have walked. Look up. God is there and you will find his love and his strength until you have your own.

“My eyes are always looking to the Lord for help, for he alone can rescue me from the traps of my enemies.” Psalm 25: 15