redemption – maggiemarcum

All He Has Done…

Do you ever find yourself in a place of beating yourself up because you just aren’t good enough? Beating yourself up because you still have bad habits that you wish you didn’t have. Maybe you’re looking at the world around you and wishing it were better than it is.

It is so easy to get stuck in that rut of despair, and in a place of hopelessness. It is easy to go down the dark windy road of doubt and disbelief. And yet I don’t believe that’s where God wants us to land and to stay.

I found this morning that I needed to sit back and make a list of all the things God has done in my life. I started with the near term, and that list was pretty long. As I write this, I’m thinking back to my childhood, my adolescence, and my early 20s, It really is but by the grace of God that I’m still alive and healthy.

My life has changed radically because I was willing to ask for help. I was willing to go to another and say I can’t do this. Sometimes that was a counselor, sometimes it was a lay minister, sometimes it was healing prayer. A lot of times it was sitting in the darkness of my room, crying out. Asking to be changed. But it was me asking. It was a desire for my heart to be different.

So what changed in me? Little things started the change. I quit smoking overnight. I quit over eating to fill the void in my heart. I quit drinking so that I would fit in. A change in who I was dependent on, from seeking out relationships with with people (OK, let’s be real, men) to a relationship with God. Getting to know who Jesus is and become willing to open my hands and ask the Holy Spirit into my life as a guide.

I got a soul friend, a spiritual director, a partner in Faith, whatever you wanna call it but someone who I could wrestle with my insecurities and who would hear from the Holy Spirit and talk me through it. And I opened my heart up more to ask God where I need to change.

Someone asked me the other day how long it takes to change and become more like Jesus. I had to remind them, and me, that we are made in the image of God, but we are not God. We will never be perfect. Our journey will never end until it ends. That means for the rest of our lives, we get to have a close dependent relationship with the Lord.

This morning, I woke to a vision of Angels. I never really believed in angels before. I have come to believe that spiritual and human angels led me to an understanding of what God wants to do in my life. Just like Paul, these angles helped break the chains that bound me to behaviors I needed to relinquish. And just like Paul, they led me out of the darkness and into the light. (acts 12:5-1)

When I sit in that light and when I breathe in the Holy Spirit, I can feel a presence unlike anything else and I know that God isn’t finished with me yet. I am thankful for what he has done, and trust that there is more to come. I’m not as young as I used to be, my body doesn’t jump as quickly; however, my heart still does. I’m still asking how he wants me to change, and working on that change. I’m asking what he wants me to do in this part of my life, and that gives me energy and excitement.

I encourage you to read Romans 8. Learn about living life in the Spirit and God’s desire to transform our lives- together! One little word of advice from Paul:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭28‬ ‭NIVUK‬‬

Peace be with you friends.

Coming Home

Shortly after I graduated from high school I moved to Los Angeles and began to live a life far different from the belief system I had growing up. Like most young people, I wanted to get as far away from my parents as possible. I also wanted to make decisions for myself, because at 17, I was oh so wise!

My week-long visit to California turned into years and my journey to “find myself” led me to change my religious commitment. I became enthralled with Scientology and grew to be a new recruit and staff member. I began a journey into what I would later learn was an occult-like cult. I had already opened the door with my Ouija board experience in high school. Scientology simply pulled me further away from the faith I had known all my life. I won’t go into detail now, but suffice it to say, Scientology took control of my life in a way my church never did. I was happy for quite a while living in this community; getting to know celebrities, and throwing my new life in the face of my parents.

Scientology told me I could still be a Christian and believe in God. They even bastardized the crucifix for their symbol to convince believers like myself. And then they told me all the problems I was having in the present were the result of the past. If only I would reach back into the past I could be set free. Of course their past was many past lives, which they manipulated me to believe I had lived. They promised I would be happy beyond belief and have some special supernatural abilities. At that point in my life, I needed to be something more than just the lost invisible child with no future. Anything was better than where I was.

Fortunately, I had praying parents who knew that was all they could do to convince me to come home. During a trip back to Virginia I caught up with some old friends and began to see outside the fog of Scientology. My friends helped convince me not to return to LA and little by little the grip Scientology had on my life was released. As much as Scientology tried to pull me back, I found a supernatural peace sitting in the pews of my church. Although I was back in church most Sunday’s, I worried that others would find out I had strayed and judge me for the disobedience to my faith. I kept a barrier between me and God, just in case this didn’t work out for me either.

Finally, many years later I would be led by our pastor to acknowledge the occult hold Scientology and the Ouija board had on my life. I prayed with others and asked Jesus to be lord of my life instead. I invited the Holy Spirit to be my guide and set me on a new path. I prayed for a purpose that I never had. I discovered that even though I had walked away and broken my relationship with God, he remained faithful and forgiving. On my knees that morning, I discovered the freedom of a loving God and started on the long road of redemption to where I am today.

If something is keeping you from walking back into church, let it go. God already knows all about it and he is waiting for you to come home. No matter how far you have wondered, the door is always open. Sneak in the back if you have to. Sit quietly and wait for that still quiet voice to tell you “welcome home.” Believe that once you cross the threshold into his house, you will feel like you never left. Ask a friend to go with you if it is too hard. Just take a baby step toward God and he will do the rest.

“The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all those who keep his covenant and obey his degree.” Psalm 25:10