maggiemarcum

Navigating the Wave of Change

Post author By Maggie Marcum
Post date January 20, 2017
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Change is to alter, make different, transform, to switch, and to break from the old. Change can be difficult when we first realize we must do something differently in our lives. Change can be even more traumatic when thrust upon us and outside of our control.

If we have made the decision to change something in our lives, it is likely that we are moving toward or away from something. Angela Dunbar writes that we move away from that which we don’t like or toward something beginning–often with goals set. If we make a decision to change things in our lives and in our environment, we need to consider the actions we should take and then commit to those actions. Through the process of reaching a new state of being, we may discover areas that require healing or we may come upon new information that causes us to re-evaluate the steps we are taking. It is important to remember that this is a journey and while the path may take unexpected turns, we need to stay with the journey to the end. In the pain of change comes true transformation.

And then there is change beyond our control. Some event may occur that knocks us off our feet. This usually happens in relationships. Perhaps the person you thought you would have a long-term relationship with isn’t on the same page as you and your friendship suddenly ends. Perhaps you have unexpectedly lost a loved one–a parent or a spouse/partner. Maybe you lost a job you loved or were forced into retirement when you still wanted to work. This sort of change is much more traumatic because we frequently don’t have the time to process the change; it just happens and we are left without a plan.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

I know for me that without my faith and trust in God to guide me through change, planned or unplanned, I would most likely curl up into a little ball. I have actually done that on occasion; however, I am fortunate that some wonderful women of faith reached out to me and reminded me that I am loved, I have value, and I have worth in the eyes of God. And when I think I am alone, I must remind myself that God will never desert me. I can pick up my bible or a spiritually-influenced book and let the words guide me through my times of uncertainty. Some times its a short process of getting on with the changes while other times I dig my heels in and it takes enormous pain (hitting bottom) before I will do what I need to do. No matter what, the commitment is to embrace the change, to grow, and to become better than I was the day before.

If we were to look through the bible we find it full of stories of individuals who were thrown into circumstances beyond their control and came through the fire, changed for the better. Look at Moses who walked away from a charmed life to live in the desert and ultimately became the voice of the Lord and a leader of change for a nation. David, who made extraordinarily wrong choices that cost people, including his own child, their lives. He became willing to embrace change and altered the course of history. What about a young woman who had a plan for her life only to have the angels tell her nothing she was planning was a great as what God had in mind. And in her obedience, the world was changed.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.(Jeremiah 29:11)

No matter what is happening in your world today, change is going to occur. How we navigate the waters of change will determine our ability to find joy in the change. If we take the perspective that change is an awful painful thing against which we should fight, it is likely that we will drown in depression and anger or sadness. If we can accept or even embrace, the change (planned or not) and seek God’s will for our lives, we will ultimately find peace and maybe even joy.

I pray that you will seek out the positive aspects of change, ask the Lord to reveal his new plan for you, and trust that a new day is coming. I pray that your heart and mind will be transformed and that you will be challenged to share what God has done for you with others who suffer. May you find blessings in your trials and courage to take action.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:6-8)

Tags change, death, divorce, ecclesiastes, Jeremiah 29:11, Jesus, job loss, King David, life, Mary mother of God, Moses, Philippians, transformation

Living Loving Serving

The Line Between Can’t and Won’t

Post author By Maggie Marcum
Post date January 18, 2017
2 Comments on The Line Between Can’t and Won’t

We’ve all said it: “I can’t right now,” and we usually launch into a litany of reasons as to why we “can’t” do something. I don’t think many of us ever say, “I won’t” do something; however, we frequently mean won’t when we say can’t.

Have you ever been in that place that something just tugs at your heart? It seems no matter where you go something reminds you of that urge. Is there some thing that you strongly believe should be changed or improved and you wish you could be a part of the change? Do you know someone who is passionate about a social injustice or mission area and you have often thought “I could never do that.”

The Bible is full of stories of people who said “I can’t” to God. Jonah was directed by God to deliver a message to Nineveh that could change their lives. Jonah took off in the opposite direction, was swallowed up by a big fish, he prayed, and God sent him back to Nineveh. He didn’t think he had what it took to deliver a dangerous message, and yet God called him to this mission and it was worth it in the end as lives were changed.

When we say “I can’t,” Jesus says, “I will.” The apostles frequently questioned Jesus when he told them to do something. Just look at the way the disciples grumbled when Jesus said to get food for the 4,000 plus followers who sat and listened to Jesus. “Where would we get enough food here in the wilderness for such a huge crowd?” They were done and ready to just leave. Jesus, however, had other plans and fed all who stayed and even had food leftover. We need to trust that if we are willing to say “yes” the Holy Spirit will overcome our fears and great things can happen.

Taking action is one of the most beneficial things we can do for ourselves. When we say yes and shift our focus to the needs of other people, we change ourselves. When we ask others to pray with us to discern the next right step to take, we are uplifted and spiritually nourished. When we trust the call we hear and step forward, God steps forward with us. I believe we are closest to God when we are fulfilling the mission he sets before us–even when that mission or call surprises us.

If you are hanging on to a call, if you have heard from the Lord, or if you are waiting for clarity, I encourage you to seek the prayerful partnership of others for the courage to take the first step. Ask for prayer to overcome your fear and prayer for an open door through which you will walk. And then walk on my friends–walk on in faith and joy.

He said to his disciples, “The harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields.” Matthew 9

Tags Bible story, calling, inspiration, Jonah, Matthew 9, ministry, mission, stepping forward, take action, truth, waiting

Transformation Stories

Finding Purpose in My Own Skin

Post author By Maggie Marcum
Post date January 17, 2017
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This past week the song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” has been playing in my head. I know it is in large part because I finally gave in and became willing to receive healing prayer for some areas of my life I was hanging onto. I was walking around with a bit of a chip on my shoulder, listening to the voices of long ago tell me I would never amount to anything. I was living out their negative prophecy for my life and it was keeping me from fulfilling a vision I received over 20 years ago.

I love to sit with people and hear their story. I love to encourage others to look for and live out their vision. I love leadership and facilitating community. I love writing and speaking and sharing how God has done amazing things in my life. But I frequently stop short in leading and trusting the gifts and talents with which God entrusted to me.

I have frequently compared myself to other people who use their gifts in the way I should use mine. I’m sure some of you do that too- you see someone who seems to have it all together and you think: “I’ll never be that ____.” But no where can I find Jesus telling us to compare ourselves to another person. He simply tells us to use our gifts or they may not grow or they may disappear. We learn in Matthew 25:14-30 that we are given talents and it is up to us to decide how to use those talents. We can become fearful and hold tight to the gifts given us and make “safe” choices in the limited way in which we use those talents. Or we can take a risk, live boldly and use those talents and invest in others. You see, God gives us what we need and it is up to us to step forward, even if it seems risky.

Through healing prayer I found that I could break from those voices. I could see the lies I had come to believe and embrace the truth that God had already prepared the way for me to take action. Key word being action. We are uniquely made and we are uniquely called to action. So we won’t look like any other individual nor will the actions we are called to take look like any other call to action.

I hope that if you are feeling unable to move forward that you will share that reservation with someone else. Ask them to pray for you and with you. Seek out a coach, a spiritual director, or a healing minister to free you from whatever holds you back. There is such incredible joy when we live in God’s will and presence and not in our self-made fears and reservations.

It is God himself who has made us what we are and given us new lives from Christ Jesus; and long ages ago he planned that we should spend these lives in helping others. (Ephesians 2:10 Living Bible)

Living in Singleness

Table for One…

How many of you dread those words? Married or single, “table for one” has such a stigma attached to it:

I’m lonely, alone, or single…
I don’t have anyone in my life- I’m not loved.
Unworthy, sad, or embarrassed.

None of these are positive descriptions but they may be the words we tell ourselves. They imply there is something wrong with us.

I wonder how often we don’t do something because we are single? Do you skip movies, shows, or sports events because you don’t have anyone to go with you? Are you recently single after the loss of a spouse or the end of a relationship and going it alone is painful? Do you feel out of place because you think it’s a couple’s world? Did you know that nearly half the population in America is NOT married??

I took a step myself today and went into my favorite fast food joint for a bite to eat. Usually I would go through the drive through and just take it home. But lately I have been forcing myself out into the coffee shops and restaurants I enjoy–all by myself. As I looked around the restaurant Today I realized that about half the people were sitting alone. Some were on their phones. Some were reading. And one was even just sitting there eating. Go figure!!

It is time we change the perception that there is something wrong with being single and being out in public alone. It is time we tell ourselves that there is nothing to be embarrassed about–we are half the population after all!! And it is time we call other singles to join us, especially if you know someone who might not be getting out.

Take a first step. Do something simple. Don’t bury your head in your phone because there is a lot of world out there for us to discover. Be bold. Smile when you nod and say “yes” to a table for one!

Tags dining out, dinner, single, singleness

Living in Singleness

Singles are “Disabled” – Says World Health Organization

Post author By Maggie Marcum
Post date October 24, 2016
No Comments on Singles are “Disabled” – Says World Health Organization

As if singles don’t carry enough of a stigma from society, the World Health Organization (WHO) just heaped another helping of “less-than” on the world-wide singles community. The WHO has now decided that singles who are not sexually active are somehow “disabled.” (read here)

First they cast this shame on couples who were unable to conceive as having some form of “disorder.” The change will be part of their generalization in the “International Classification of Diseases (ICD), which in its 10th edition, classifies and codes different types of medical and psychiatric disorders.” According to the 2014 US Census, there are 107 million unmarried persons over 18 in the United States. Of those, 63 percent have never married, 24 percent are divorced, and 13 percent are widowed. That is a huge slice of the population now considered ‘disabled’ because of a choice in life-style or a change in circumstances.

The intent of this new classification is to make it easier for unmarried persons to gain access to in vitro fertilization. However well-intended this new classification only furthers the struggle many singles have that they are not as capable as their married counterparts.

Consider that many singles are only allowed limited roles in most religious organizations.

Many singles hear announcements for “family” events at church and feel excluded.
Some churches prohibit singles, especially female singles, from taking active leadership roles and may only do so when partnered with a married person.
In the workplace, many singles are considered first when it comes to taking holiday shifts or working late so that married can go home to their families.
Most single women are bombarded by friends asking when they will get married–asked if they aren’t sad that they don’t have children–as if they are missing out on something.

I know many singles that have decided they are more productive and happier not married and not engaging in sex outside of a marriage. I know many singles who have been married and now that they are single have found peace and contentment in their new circumstances. I also know singles who have a desire to be married and have a family but they have not found the person with whom to share that experience. And yet they are all living full lives or in the process of finding purpose and living out that purpose as a single.

Those of us choosing to live single non-sexual lives are not disabled. We are people who are living in our circumstances, enjoying the gifts of life. For many of us, we are active in ministry, despite constraints placed on our houses of worship. We don’t need some international organization to take that joy and gift from us.

Tags disabled singles, gifted singles, IVF for singles, sex outside of marriage, WHO, World Health Organization

Transformation Stories

When Abuse is More than Words

Post author By Maggie Marcum
Post date October 14, 2016
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All my life I have dealt with the language of men that was designed to belittle, devalue, and intimidate me. Most of my life it worked and left me feeling vulnerable and disadvantaged.

Most of the time it also opened the door to actual sexual harassment or aggressive behavior. As a person who experienced sexual abuse at a young age, I was ill-equipped to understand the difference between acceptable behavior and unwanted attention. I was so overwhelmed by the behavior of others that I wasn’t capable of pushing back or reporting it. This was true until I came to terms with my own behavior and made a personal change in my response.

So what did that negative behavior from others look like? There were teachers in school who openly held sexually charged discussions with impressionable teenage girls. There was my father who made comments about my size and used language that today we find deplorable. There was my brother who said I dressed like a whore. There was the friendly neighbor who took advantage of my vulnerability-grooming me with language and images.

There was the workplace that thrived on adulterous relationships and encouraged young women to have affairs with managers to be part of the ‘in crowd.’ There were bosses who made snide comments about my age, my appeal, and my sexuality as a single person. There was the time I witnessed women who fell prey to the sexual abuse of their management, lose their positions. At one point I was warned that I could be reprimanded if I accepted their advances without reporting these predators. As if we were responsible for their action! Ultimately there was the man in a leadership position who drove me to a nervous breakdown and into retirement to escape his advances because of the earlier warning.

There were the women at a church who shunned me and uninvited me as a single woman who ‘might’ entice their husbands into affairs–with no evidence that I was interested in there spouses. I learned that single women were a threat to marriages and avoided conversations with men in my new church. And finally there was the man in my ministry field whose attention caused me to leave and avoid a ministry into which I felt called.

These examples don’t begin to describe what it was like growing up in an environment in which these things were not only viewed as acceptable, they were encouraged behaviors. One way or another, an attractive woman was seen as fair game. At one point I even dyed my hair because I was told no one would take me seriously as a blond! And then there are the eating disorders- anorexia or over eating- to make me more attractive or to protect myself.

I could not change the men in my world. I could discover more about myself and learn a new way to react to these advances. Thankfully I had a great recovery program at The Meadows and a wonderful healing minister that brought change in my life.

I have my struggles. I’m still afraid to lose the weight and become ‘attractive’ again because I worry that I will trigger old patterns. More healing to be done there. However, I no longer accept behavior from men that includes sexually innuendo, inappropriate body language, or intimidating tactics. I stand up for myself and have passed that on to my daughter.

Change is hard.

We begin with ourselves. We find an inner strength and the will to call out and push back when someone demeans us.
We can see ourselves as the valuable women God created us to be.
We can experience new life as persons of worth with the right to demand respect.
We can call out negative behavior for what it is, stand against it, and stop running.

I encourage those of you who see yourself in my story to reach out to someone and tell your story. Ask for help to recover from abusive behavior. Step into a new life!

We don’t have to take the abhorrent behavior of others anymore.

The unfailing love of the Lord never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. The Lord is my inheritance, therefore, I will hope in him. Lamentations 3: 22-23

Tags abusive behavior, recovery, sexual abuse, sexual harrassment

Coaching Tips and Exercises Living Loving Serving

Inspired Change

Have you ever found yourself in a place where you know something has to change but you aren’t sure what next step to take? Have you stayed in a place out of a sense of obligation when you know something isn’t right? Have you wondered if it is time to move on yet you feel trapped or you fear the change?

I think we all have these struggles from time to time. Change is a choice. We can choose to stay in the uncomfortable zone and ‘suffer through’ it or we can choose to ask for help to discern which next step to take. For me, this decision starts with prayer and asking others to pray with me so that I can get out of my head and away from emotions that might influence my decision to stay or to bolt.

Tags ask, change, coaching, God, Jesus, knock, Matthew 7, prayer, seek, spiritual direction

Living Loving Serving

Fighting Rest

It was finally vacation time. I haven’t taken time off since I went back to work nine months ago.

I came to rest. I came with family to rest…

And we fought it for days.

It is so difficult anymore to just stop, unplug, and enjoy the beauty around us without scheduling “things” to do. Even when we finally stopped, it was hard to sit still for very long. We needed to keep moving: float in the lazy river, work a puzzle, check our phones, or randomly electronically check on work. We just needed to be “doing.”

Tags Holy Spirit, relax, renew, rest, unplug, vacation

Transformation Stories

Happy in Our Own Skin

It has been a while since I felt like myself.

It has been a while since I felt I was hearing God.

It has been a while since I was willing to listen.

I was asking and He was showing me and I was refusing.

And I was isolating and avoiding the life I was once very excited and happy about.

Not today!!

I keep wanting to make things too complicated. I keep letting others say negative things about my calling and letting their voice win out over what I am so convicted I should be doing.

Today I am casting those negative voices and people out of the roles of influence and distractions from a ministry that people I respect have said I need to do.

If you find yourself in the position of thinking you have heard a direction from God, I strongly suggest you meet with a small group of people you trust and ask them to pray with you. Then share with them what you have heard and ask them to let you know honestly and prayerfully if they are in agreement.

There may be one or two who don’t understand or agree; in those cases be sure to ask if it is a personal or a God disagreement. Sometimes jealously may enter the equation. Sometimes we view things through what we ourselves would be comfortable doing rather than making it about the person who hears the call. Therefore make wise decisions in who you call as your inner core to meet and pray with you.

And finally. If you have heard a direction from God and those you trust confirm what you have heard Get Moving!!

Don’t do what I did and let things slip away. I have struggled with an unease for months and in the past few days all of it is gone. I have excitement back in my life. I see God more clearly in everything around me. I have less fear and more hope.I am more of who I am than when I am without direction.

God has given each of you a gift. Use it to help each other. This will show God’s loving-favor. If a man preaches, let him do it with God speaking through him. If a man helps others, let him do it with the strength God gives. So in all things God may be honored through Jesus Christ. Shining-greatness and power belong to Him forever. Let it be so.

Living Loving Serving

The Empty Arms of Motherhood

Post author By Maggie Marcum
Post date May 8, 2016
No Comments on The Empty Arms of Motherhood

Mother’s Day can be a painful day for many women.

It is a reminder of a child lost.
It is a reminder of a child given up in adoption.
It is a reminder of a child never born.
It is a reminder of broken relationships between a child and a mother.
it is a reminder for some couples of the child they are desperate to have.
it is a reminder for some singles of the life they have without loving their own child.

And for some it is a day of defending their choice not to have children.

For all the joy that Mother’s Day may bring to many women, some find themselves in a sad spot today. They may not look forward to walking into church and seeing others around them sitting with their children and celebrating the day. They may feel uncomfortable when someone wishes them a Happy Mother’s Day when they don’t feel happy at all.

If you are one of these women, I want to remind you that you are loved by a Father who understands your pain. He too lost a child. He has a plan for your life regardless of your status as a mother. Perhaps he is calling you to come along side other women and encourage them in their sadness. Maybe he is calling you to walk with other singles and encourage them of their value as a woman.. Maybe he is calling you to work with children and fill the void you believe you have by sharing his love with them.

God does not leave us in our circumstances without purpose. You are a strong woman made in God’s image and you have value and worth in this life.

You may carry the memory of loving a child gone and that is a precious gift to give to others.

You may not be at the point of having children yet and can use this time to support others in a way God is nudging you.

You may have children living apart from you and today you can reach out and remind them that you love them, no matter what has happened in the past.

I want to encourage you today as you run into women who you know are in these circumstances to love on them. Genuinely love on them. Maybe pick up a little bunch of flowers on your way out and give them to a special lady and remind her that she is special and is a beloved child of God herself. Let us use the love God has given to us to lift up others in sharing that love today.

Happy Lovely Wonderfully Made Women’s Day!!

Tags abortion, daughter, death, father, hope, Jesus, mother, Mother's Day, motherhood, single, single mother, son, strong women, worth and value