Tag: change

Boomer Living Living in Singleness My Faith & Transformation Journey

The Darkness of Singleness

Post author By Maggie Marcum
Post date August 24, 2015
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Living alone often can amplify the negative voices in our head because we have no one to counter them. Our feelings of discouragement, sadness, or incompleteness may overcome us at times. Being honest about our struggles isn’t always easy, especially if we already feel alone and unwanted. It may be difficult to believe that we are capable of change or that our lives will improve. We may be afraid to admit to someone else what is going on because we fear judgement, when in reality; the people around us already know something isn’t quite right. They may not know how to tell us, or they have tried to tell us and we couldn’t get what they were saying. We thought—you don’t know how lonely I am, you don’t know what it is like to not have that special person, you don’t know….fill in the blank.

Tags 12 Step, abuse, addiction, alone, Bible, boomer, Celebrate Recovery, change, counseling, depression, sexual abuse, single, The Meadows

Boomer Living Living in Singleness

Caught in the Dating Trap

Post author By Maggie Marcum
Post date August 12, 2015
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No matter how young or old we are, looking for love can turn us into someone who we are not. We can easily get caught in the trap of acting one way and feeling another way just to snare a potential life partner. And then one day we realize that the person who has fallen for us has no earthly clue who we are, and we begin to wonder when the lid will blow on the lie we have been living. Change is a good and positive thing; however, let’s make sure we are changing for all the right reasons—because we see something in ourselves that needs transformation.

Tags change, dating, giving, God-shaped, love, partner, service, single, transformation, weight loss

Poetry

Faith Search

I search for you,

In the rooms I enter,

In the quiet of my fear;

I look for you.

Are you really there?

Do you see me?

Do you really love me?

Is it me, or is it you?

I am weak.

I am unsure.

I am alone.

And yet, I feel you near.

Fill my heart.

Fill my mind.

Change my heart.

Change my life.

Out of the shadows I come,

Into your light I run

Into your presence I sit

Here you are real

Here I believe.

Here I thirst.

In the light I find hope.

In this corner I grow.

Forever changing

Forever healing

Forever searching

Forever Finding You

Tags belief, change, faith, poem, poetry, prayer, searching, transform

My Faith & Transformation Journey

Reinventing Ourselves

I was wowed by Lady Gaga’s performance during the Oscar Awards this week. I think most of America was stunned by the transformation we saw. This lovely woman, who has been hiding behind the theatrical personality she created to make a name for herself, took a huge risk in front of the world. In the business they call it “reinventing,” and often it is considered a market ploy or a sign of new maturity. These star-studded changes are noticed and critiqued around the world. Their transformation is discussed by the talking heads with skepticism or as a great long-overdue achievement.

I think we do the same thing when we witness a transformation in the people closest to us. We know all too well their faults and failures and often question the reality of their change. Perhaps we know someone as a drunkard or drug addict who has gone through treatment and is fighting for their sobriety. Maybe it is a young person whom we have watched grow up in front of us whose adulthood we find hard to recognize. Or the woman at the well who has had multiple lovers and now has decided to wait for the right man. And there are those who are stepping into new careers or callings without a proven record, who have a strong drive to succeed. Many were changed by a new commitment as part of their faith journey.

How do we react to these changes? Do you let the person know that you are seeing a positive change? Do you encourage them? Or do you hold on to an image from the past and wait for them to slip up? Are you moving forward with them or tugging the chains from the past in hope that they will stumble and prove that nothing has changed? Are you shining a negative or positive light on their steps forward? Are you looking for negative or positive behavior in them?

How you answer these questions is a reflection back on you. I find when I am skeptical it may be that they have hurt me in the past and I am not sure I can ever trust them again. In other cases I am jealous that they have done what I would like to do—successfully move forward. Or maybe I am jealous that they have something I wish I had in my life—a new relationship, a better job, or financial stability. I hope that my response is to celebrate their success and let their transformation inspire me. If I can see the possibility in their life then maybe I can accept the possibility in my life.

These are the choices we make for ourselves regardless of someone else’s journey forward. Let us not crush those who seek to reinvent themselves. Let us be encouragers and hope givers. Let us be encouraged and hope-filled for our own journey. Let us celebrate transformation and release the past into the past. Let us see today as a good thing and pray that tomorrow will be even better.

May God provide an encourager to you today as you take the next step forward. May you stand firm in your new life and celebrate the blessings you receive as a result. May you cling to your transformation even when others may not yet see it. May you share your joy in a way that encourages others to seek out the same transformation in their lives.

maggiemarcum.com

Tags change, inspire, lady gaga, motivate, new life, reinvent, transformation

My Faith & Transformation Journey

Second Chances

I believe in a God of second chances because I have seen that in my own life. I know forgiveness through first-hand experience. I know the freedom that comes from confessing my negative and harmful behavior. I know what it is to live a new life every day because of that forgiveness and a second chance to do it better the next time. My spiritual journey and growth are constant factors in my life as I continue to pray about ways to improve my behavior and actions. Some days are better than others, but when I mess up, I know where to go and I know I can start over.

Jesus gave us a prayer to pray (Matthew 6:9-13) and as part of that we pray: “forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us (NLT). The Message version translates the prayer to: “Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.” I like this version because it reminds me that just as I am forgiven through Jesus, I must forgive those around me. This commandment isn’t something to take lightly and in some cases it may be very difficult for us to do. But with forgiveness comes freedom to move forward in our lives and a first step toward breaking the ties to the hurt and pain someone may have inflicted on us.

It took me a while to forgive my father for his behavior toward my mother. I had to come to understand that in his time there was no one to teach him that it was wrong. I had to forgive him for ignoring me and putting me in a position to seek out another male figure that would later abuse me. I had to find a way to let God deal with the person who hurt me and to stop letting them influence my behavior many years later. I have forgiven my mother for not being who I wish she was and accepting the wonderful things she passed on to me—including how, as a Christian, to forgive those closest to us. I have had to learn how to forgive those who have hurt my daughter and allow her to forgive them and show me how to forgive as well. That one is probably the hardest but I am thankful to see her model a forgiving behavior passed on from her grandmother.

With forgiveness comes a requirement for change. If we are inspired by the words of Jesus to seek forgiveness and to forgive others, then we must also be willing to make changes in our lives that will keep us from making the same mistakes. The Message version says: “keep us safe from ourselves and from the Devil” (Matthew 6:9-13). It may mean that we remove ourselves from people who are not good for us or who might influence negative behavior in ourselves. It may mean holding others accountable for the way they treat us and setting appropriate boundaries. It may mean that we who forgive also mentor and pray for those who hurt us when they seek our forgiveness. And when we see change in another, then we must be willing to give them a second chance at living a new life. We must release them from the bond of shame and allow them to become the new person Christ has made. If we only remember the fault and don’t see the transformation, we end up carrying a burden that no longer exists and we hold back those forgiven and transformed.

Forgiveness and second chances are probably two of the hardest things for us Christians to live out in our lives. We want forgiveness for ourselves and we see it in our lives, but we refuse it to those closest to us. When we refuse to see that God has created something new in the forgiven, we miss the blessing of Jesus lived out on earth. Who are you holding a grudge against that you have not forgiven? Who do you say you have forgiven but have not reconciled with? Who do you know needs your forgiveness and your help in building a new life forward? How can you model what Jesus told us to do for another? Who needs you to give them a second chance?

Tags abuse, blessed, change, Christian, forgiven, forgiveness, Lord's Prayer, second chances, transform, transformation

Transformation Stories

Acceptance and Contentment

Post author By Maggie Marcum
Post date December 2, 2014
No Comments on Acceptance and Contentment

“You are blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.” (Matthew 5:5 from The Message)

Acceptance and contentment; these two words might seem to be at odds in our lives. I may accept my circumstances but I don’t have to like them, right? Or, I might be content having reached my goals but I am not willing to accept that I am where I need to be. And yet Jesus said in his sermon that those of us who are humble or respectful of our situation are blessed or have joy in accepting all that God has given to us.

We, who have walked through the refining fire, or are smack dab in the middle of it, are right where God wants us to be at this time in our lives. When we are willing to accept the work needed to transform our lives, we will find that we have everything that we need to be content, especially if that transformation brings us into a closer relationship with God. Jesus calls us to change our character to one that accepts all things, good and bad, to lay down our self-will, and to trust that God is walking with us and meeting all our needs. Accept where we are, what we must do, and that God, through the Holy Spirit, will guide us on our path. Set aside our anger and disappointment for what we wanted and ask what it is he wants for us instead.

When I look back at my life and the decisions I made that led to the turmoil in my spirit, I am humbled by what God has done and proud that he has made so much out of my lowly life. I am ecstatic that he has filled in the chip on my shoulder and lighted the burdens of the past that I was carrying. I am happy with whom I am today and excited for all that I get to be in the future. No matter the circumstances of my life today, I can be glad knowing that God will use me if I just quit whining and seek out his plan for the day. I can accept that the changes in my life today are for the good, knowing I will grow if I keep my focus forward.

What is keeping you for being content today? What piece of your life are you not accepting needs to be changed? What steps can you take today accept the changes God is calling you to make that could lead to greater contentment? I urge you to ask these questions or to seek out someone who will help you to find God’s peace and hope for your future.

Blessings,

Maggie

Tags acceptance, beatitudes, blessed, change, contentment, inspire, Matthew 5, motivation, refiners fire

My Faith & Transformation Journey

Courage to Change

Living a purposeful life often requires us to make changes in our behaviors and attitudes. I can tell you from personal experience, that change is never easy. It takes courage. It takes willingness. It takes a first step. Maybe the adventure you are setting out on will change the lives of many people, or maybe it will just improve the circumstances around you. Regardless of the reason you have decided to begin to live a more purposeful life, you know it will require change. And it may require a degree of tenacity to make those committed changes in your life.

I have been drawn to The Beatitudes (Matthew 5) lately. Just as Psalm 25 was where I found forgiveness and grace, The Beatitudes is where I am finding courage to move forward with my dream. I want to live a life for God. I have never actually done that before and it is terrifying. I can’t begin to imagine the changes that God has planned for my life, but in these words I am reminded that he will bless me and I will find a joy I have never known before. That part excites me!

I have had this dream of helping other women to climb out of the dark life that is keeping them chained and unable to see the light of God’s purpose for them. I have wanted to reach my hand out and give them courage to change their circumstances. I have wanted to find a way for them to see their potential and to walk with them as they grow in faith and as their life circumstances improve. I have wanted to be God’s instrument and I have been afraid because I wasn’t sure I had changed enough yet. And I was, and probably still am, afraid that I would be laughed at and mocked and told that I wasn’t good enough.

Thankfully, I have a few good people in my life who have asked me the tough questions about dragging my feet. They are helping me to see the Holy Spirit working in my life and to “get over myself.” Purposeful living isn’t about us, it is all about God and how he will use us. Once we realize that and take that first step forward in obedience to his plan, the whole world will open up. This vision for my life that I have sat on—God knew it would take time. He let me sit in the dark just long enough for me to be ready to move forward. Baby steps forward. I have started and will see where it all goes.

How about you? Are you ready to take a first step toward purposeful living? Are you ready to start by saying: “I need to change a few things?” What is on your list of things to improve? Do you need to ask someone for help? Ask. Ask someone to walk the road from here to there with you. Pray that God will provide that person for you. Come out of the dark. I know it is scary but the light is so much warmer and brighter.

“God blesses you when you are mocked and persecuted and lied about because you are my followers. Be happy about it. Be very glad! F. And for a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted too.” Matthew 5:11-12 New Living Translation

Tags beatitudes, change, courage to change, God's plan, inspire, joy, life with purpose, Mattew 5, purposeful living, transform

My Faith & Transformation Journey

When No One is Watching

This walk of faith is not always an easy one. I am inspired every day to make changes in my attitude and in the way I live my life. Years ago there was a bracelet that many people wore: “WWJD,” a reminder to ask ourselves “What would Jesus do?” in any given circumstance. For me, a bracelet is not enough. I have to feed my heart and soul regularly to know what God would have me do, especially when no one is watching.

What are you doing and saying when no one from church is watching you? What activities are you involved in that you hope no one finds outs about? What words are you using that you would never use in front of your pastor? How are you feeding your spirit when you aren’t sitting in the pew on Sunday morning? What behavior is living inside you that takes you away from being that person of faith you wish you were?

In his letters to the church in Rome (Romans 7:14 – 25), Paul asks himself these very same questions about his behavior and his heart. He knows what the right thing to do is; but still he finds himself drawn away from that. He struggles, like most of us; to do what his heart tells him is the right thing to do. He thinks he is forever trapped by his sinful nature. But he does have an answer for us.

How are you speaking today? Are you speaking with patience to the person waiting on you in the store that might be working their second job for the day and is doing the best they can? Are you smiling and letting them take their time and thanking them for being there for you? Are you holding your tongue when you feel words like “idiot,” “stupid,” or “reject” enter your mind and replacing them with “child of God,” “and “fellow human?” Can you not cuss out the driver that cut you off, especially since he can’t hear you anyway? Can you instead ask God to make you a better driver and an example—even if no one is paying attention? Can you let someone in when they need to merge and pass on that behavior not what you just experienced?

What are you watching on TV? What images are you filling your mind with? Are you watching porn when no one sees you? Did you sneak a movie in while you were on travel because no one will know? Are you watching shows that make fun of other people? Are you filling your brain with negative responses and examples or are you looking for positive reinforcement for good behavior? Can you change the channel and find something else to do? Can you ask for help—go to Celebrate Recovery—to break the bonds that porn or other negative images have on your thinking?

How are you spending your money today? Did you go buy something new instead of paying a bill? Did you hear about a friend in need and think “wow, they are really messed up,” or did you think: “how can I help?” Did you borrow money from someone and really need to start paying them back because you are doing better now? Can you help someone else out without judging them? Are you not giving at church or to charity because you are afraid you won’t have money to buy that thing you don’t really need anyway? Can you find a way to start giving a little today and commit to giving regularly? Can you volunteer somewhere to make meals or reach the homeless?

Are you standing so firm on being right that you have lost compassion for those in need? Have you buried your healing from brokenness so deep that your redeemed life is hidden from others? Is there someone suffering from their bad choices that you feel better than and can’t be bothered with? Are you feeling self-satisfied because you don’t have “that” sin in your life and forget you have others? Are you willing to step down from your pedestal and reach a hand out to help the wounded and hurting that they too might know God’s grace? Did you ask someone if you could pray for them? Did you invite them to your home—to your church?

These things I struggle with. There are things I wish I did differently today and I am taking Paul’s example and I am asking Jesus to free me from these negative behaviors. I am praying to act better today. I am asking that he change my nature. I am asking what to do when no one is watching and that what I do is positive and honors his example. I will fall short. I will fail. And I will keep moving forward, closer to who he wants me to be and how he wants me to behave—when no one is watching.

If this is helpful to you, please feel free to share my posting and blog with others. Together we can grow stronger and live better examples of Jesus in our lives.

Tags behavior, broken, budget, Celebrate Recovery, change, Christian, church, faith, give back, name calling, pass it on, porn, Romans 7: 14-25, sins, struggle, tithe, WWJD

A Psalm 25 Study for Personal Transformation My Faith & Transformation Journey

Letting Go of Resentments with Mercy

Post author By Maggie Marcum
Post date November 3, 2014
1 Comment on Letting Go of Resentments with Mercy

Holding on to our resentments does less to the person we are angry with and more to hurt ourselves. Learning to release the person who offended us from our hate list may take real effort on our part, especially if they have been on the list for some time. Did you know that resentment is just another word for jealous? Did you know that mercy is the greatest gift you can offer another and yourself at the same time?

Offering mercy may take a deliberate effort on your part. It means offering forgiveness and meaning it. It means treating the other person with God’s love when your love isn’t there. It means being kind and treating the other person with understanding that we too are not perfect and we may have some responsibility for the situation. It means being compassionate when they hurt instead of laughing. And it does mean celebrating when good things come their way, even when we would like to think the good fortune should be ours. Mercy is sincere—it can’t be faked because above all, mercy means that we pray for all things God would have in their lives. We especially pray that they know the Lord and are transformed by his love and mercy. We ask that we too are transformed as we pray for them.

My daughter is one the greatest examples of a mercy-giver that I know. Even as a teenager she could find a way to forgive or overlook a person’s misdeeds toward her. She always seems to take the high road in relationships and give it one—or seven times seven— more chances. I have seen her rekindle relationships that I would never have gone back to and I have seen her grow more as she let go of her resentment. I have seen the freedom that comes from her mercy. She is the kid whose friends turned away from her when she wouldn’t go down the path they were heading, and still she managed to re-establish friendships with some of those people years later because she was willing to let the past be in the past. Like many young women, she has been hurt in relationships, and yet she has found a way to forgive and accept rich friendships on new terms. She has even shown her old mom mercy from time to time, understanding that I make mistakes and sometimes my problems have caused rather uncomfortable circumstances for us. She keeps moving forward and she inspires me to be all those things Jesus told us to be. She is one of the best examples I have of living a life in the image of Jesus.

As we ask for God’s mercy when we are in distress or have acted in a way that does not honor him, let us ask that he show us to whom we need to extend the same kind of mercy. We ask that he change our hearts and save us from carrying a burning coal that eats through our own heart. We ask for all things good for those we resent or envy and that we can be happy for their success. We ask to see them as God does, knowing he loves them. We ask that he inspire us to get on a path that takes us forward and frees us of the burden of disdain we carry.

Do you have a way you approach others with mercy? Do you have a success story of a time you gave or received mercy? I would love to hear your story. Please share it in the comments below.

Tags change, daughter, friendship, God's mercy, image of God, inspire, Jesus, life, mercy resentment, move forward, pray, prayer, relationships, transform, transformation

A Psalm 25 Study for Personal Transformation

Stuck

There are days when the mud seems to rise too high for us to fight it back. Maybe we have become entangled in a net and can’t get loose. Stuck, trapped, snared, and unable to move. We have forgotten what light looks like anymore and we fear we may never see it again; if we ever really saw the light in the first place. It is a hard place to be and even harder to explain it to another.

I can remember those times all too well in my life. I would lie curled up in my bed and ask myself: “how on earth did I ever get into this mess?” Sometimes I knew it was because of the decisions I had made, other times I wasn’t as sure. You know that feeling: your stomach churns and the tears flow and you hide from your family and friends because you don’t want to be a burden? Those are the days when we don’t even want to see our counselor or hit a meeting because we are so sure that even they would never get it.

What if you could see just a sliver of light? Would you be willing to take advantage of that sliver of light and believe that maybe, just maybe there was more where that came from? For me it started with a prayer. Oh, I couldn’t pray it. I had to ask someone else to pray it until I could. Yes, that meant I actually had to answer the phone or the text!!

I needed a rescue. No one I knew could give it to me; however, there were people who would help me to find it. I didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling forever and the only way out was to send a distress signal out to a friend. That friend needed to be someone I could trust and someone who I knew would send up prayers on my behalf. I knew my eyes needed to be on God to get out of the mess, but I just didn’t have it in me.

Slowly, I was able to look forward because looking back did no good. I couldn’t change what had happened but I could change the present and thus the future. Those prayers eventually became my prayer. Psalm 25 became my strength. I couldn’t read it all but I kept asking God to show me what to do next, even if next was only getting up and going to work. Hours became days became weeks became months became years.

My ability to stand up and let go of the pain did not come overnight. It came by having someone else help me cut the net from my feet and pull me out of the mud. And once out, it took my commitment and motivation to change. It is a daily struggle, because life is a daily struggle. Today I get out of the mud a lot faster. I tell others quicker. I pray before I slip into the mud bath and I don’t get tangled up like I used to.

Please, please; reach out today if this is your story. If there is no one you know, look up a church with a prayer line and call them. Just tell them you hurt and you need prayer. Get up and find a counselor whose name you like and give them a try. Go to a Celebrate Recovery meeting or other 12 step and meet people who have walked where you have walked. Look up. God is there and you will find his love and his strength until you have your own.

“My eyes are always looking to the Lord for help, for he alone can rescue me from the traps of my enemies.” Psalm 25: 15

Tags Celebrate Recovery, change, church, closed door, pain, prayer, psalm 25, recovery, struggle, stuck, trapped