Tag: pathway

Categories
Poetry

From Here to There

I am standing at the corner of the street.

There is a path ahead which I know I am to travel.

There are benches where I sit and wait.

I see the arrows pointing forward, yet,

I stand at the corner, afraid to move.

I watch as others move down the pathway;

Their steps moving them forward–closer.

They advance, step by step, as I watch in envy.

Confidently they pursue their dream.

Yet I watch and wonder if ever I will move.

I look at the branches off this path;

Diversions from the journey.

The excuses that keep me from moving.

The fear of failure and criticism.

Frozen, I wait for divine assurance.

Like a drifting boat, rudderless on the path;

I reach for the horizon ahead.

I pray, I calculate, I question.

I must move; I must heed the call.

He is waiting…HE is waiting.

One small step on the path is all I need

One move from here.

Then another, and another to there.

Trust, belief, faith.

We can do this. HE and I.

http://www.maggiemarcum.com

Categories
A Psalm 25 Study for Personal Transformation My Faith & Transformation Journey

Digging Out

As much as I complain about winter and snow, there is something cathartic about digging out a pathway through the snow. I usually start out alone, clearing the dusty snow as it falls, hoping to stay ahead of the storm. I will go back at it over and over. My daughter shakes her head at me wondering why I don’t just wait until the snow stops. I tell her it is because it will be too much to do all at once and it is better to clear away a little at a time. Eventually she will join me outside and together we clear the snow away in half the time it took me. And usually there are snowballs involved and much more laughter than when I am alone with my deep thoughts.

Sometimes I think my walk with Jesus is like that. I am digging out and trying to make the right choices on my own. I keep going back at my problem area and trying to figure out how to get out of the latest mess, only to find the path covered up again and myself set on repeat. As I have said, I tend to be a slow learner which is Maggiespeak for “stubborn” or “self-willed.” If I say that I trust in the Lord then why do I not trust in the way that he shows me? Why do I insist on doing it my way? Why am I so afraid of accepting guidance or assistance?

My personal focus these days is on my financial situation. Because I made decisions about the path I would take—one that made it look like I was affording to live the upper middleclass life in DC—I am now drowning in debt. Over the years I made some bad choices about where to live and how much I could afford to spend. I put myself in situations that were too costly, hoping that if I had enough stuff surrounding me I could avoid the pain inside and appear to be successful just like everyone else. And it was working—for everyone but me.

Today I am digging out again but this time I am doing it with guidance from God through others. And it is HARD!! I am getting better at giving back to God what is his. I am better at giving of my time to help others. I am better at reading the Bible and learning more about these principles I hold so dear. I am sitting in a small condo/apartment having given most of my old stuff away to people who actually needed it. I am living on cash only and saying “no,” even when my mind says: “buy it, it will be ok.” His path; not my path. His guidance; not my desires. Slowly I am seeing the light. Slowly the snow is not covering up my mistakes and I am resting for longer periods. Slowly God is turning my life around once again. Little by little the path is clearing. I’ll let you know how it goes but I am thinking this time the path may just stay clear ahead.

Show me the path where I should walk, O, Lord; point out the right road for me to follow.
Psalm 25:4 New Living Testament

Categories
Poetry

My Psalm 25 Path

My Psalm 25 Path

Defeated and Shamed.
Disgraced and Embarrassed.
Trapped by the past;
setup for failure

Pathway and Choices.
Deceived and Defrauded.
My road of shame;
lying to myself.

Revealed and Revived.
Forgiven and Humbled.
Freed from the past:
the pathway of light.

Living and Loving.
Trustful and Courageous.
Living today;
protected for life

Sharing and Caring.
Restored Integrity.
Joy with laughter.
Faithfully transformed!

© maggiemarcum.com

Categories
My Faith & Transformation Journey

The Path Through the Fire

I have been trying to figure out what God really wants me to do with the stories of my life—surely they are just the things that happened on the path to recovery and wholeness. I know I am supposed to write. I am supposed to share things with people as I meet them. But share the whole thing? Really? Apparently so.

This morning I turned to Psalm 25. It is MY psalm. It has given me strength and courage and helped me heal and let go of the past. I have read and reread is so many times that the page is now falling out of my bible. As I read it and prayed, I finally saw what God has been waiting for me to see. This is my story, this is the story he gave me. From crying out in my pain and shame to understanding that we all make mistakes, and coming to believe that he is still here. He has forgiven me which helped me to forgive me. He has returned my integrity and given me a new life. And that is what I will be sharing over the next few days as I take apart Psalm 25 and tell you how God used it to reshape me.

When I started my journey I was stepping back from a life of heavy drinking and partying. A life of sexual and love addiction. A point where I had broken every, yes every, commandment and felt worthless. Little by little God revealed why I was living like I was. He revealed the childhood sexual abuse. He revealed how I felt invisible in my family. He revealed how my parents violent marriage scared my thinking about relationships. He forgave me, and I myself, for my abortion. He taught me that I didn’t have to rob Peter to pay Paul for fun. He showed me I could live with little to have it all.

Come with me on my journey. Hear my story. Share your story with me. Let me weave your story into mine as we grow stronger, because that is what God wants for us. He has inspired me through his words to want change. I am motivated to help others who desire change to see the hope and possibility. I am praying that the words I write will transform your life as they have mine.

“To you oh Lord, I life my soul. I trust in you, my God.” Psalm 25:1 And so it begins.