Categories
Living Loving Serving

I Hear You, and Still I Linger

Each day I have the opportunity to choose to sit with God. I get to choose if I will spend a little bit of my day, reading the Word and allowing it to sink into my heart. Each day, I have the opportunity to sit with my hands open and listen for that small voice to speak to me. Each day I have a choice to hear from God.

Some days I choose to start my day in meditation. It always changes everything about my day because those words sit with me. It’s like feeding on the word fills me up and gives me strength to be positive to be kind to be compassionate. I don’t do so well without those words filling me up.

I have the choice of sitting with God in the afternoon. I’m busy trying to get all my steps in,, trying to lose weight. Trying to be healthier. And it’s so easy to turn my app on and listen to the word and be filled again and again. But it’s my choice.

I have the choice to meet with him before I go to bed. I can scroll through everyone else’s story, or I can sit with his story and let that help me to fall asleep. I seldom choose that one. I usually fall asleep to some silly show that I’ve watched 100 times. The nights I do listen to the Word before I fall asleep, I know my dreams will be better. I know I will sleep better. But it isn’t always the choice that I make.

And when I take time to be in those moments with God, he does speak to me. I hear those words and I listen to them over and over and I ask Lord: “What do you want me to take from that today?” Recently in the mountains of North Carolina he spoke very clearly to me through others who prayed with me. He told me I was done with something that I had held tightly for too months now. In fact, it had become my identity. Oh yeah, I was his servant, but I was known and seen and mostly appreciated. But he said it was time to let that go because it was no longer healthy spiritually or emotionally for me.

He gave me a new place to land. A safe place. A place where I could heal and place where I could spend more time with him, if I chose to do. And still, I linger in the past that he has said to let go of. It’s funny how our own self-worth – the identity we choose for ourselves – can trap us in a place where God no longer wants to use us.

I need to listen. I need to go. I need to follow. I think today about those people who left everything to physically follow Jesus. Their life wasn’t easy, but I believe it was better. When we drop the thing that we are holding so tightly, and open our hands to receive the love of God, the blessing of the Holy Spirit and the wisdom of Jesus we can step into the unknown, trusting, having faith. I do believe God will use us in ways that we could never begin to imagine.

Take that step. Spend time with the Lord and ask him what the next right step is to take Do the next right thing for him, because of him, and because he loves you enough to lead you down that right path.

“I waited and waited and waited for God. At last he looked; finally he listened. He lifted me out of the ditch, pulled me from deep mud. He stood me up on a solid rock to make sure I wouldn’t slip. He taught me how to sing the latest God-song, a praise-song to our God. More and more people are seeing this: they enter the mystery, abandoning themselves to God.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭40‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭MSG‬‬

Categories
The Lighter Walk Transformation Stories

Making God the Main Thing

My life today is nothing compared to what it was even five years ago, let alone 30 years ago when I began my Christian journey. God planted a seed of change; however, it took almost 20 years to stop living according to my rules and listen to his desires for me.

Categories
A Psalm 25 Study for Personal Transformation

Coming Home

Coming Home.

Categories
Transformation Stories

Coming Home

Shortly after I graduated from high school I moved to Los Angeles and began to live a life far different from the belief system I had growing up. Like most young people, I wanted to get as far away from my parents as possible. I also wanted to make decisions for myself, because at 17, I was oh so wise!

My week-long visit to California turned into years and my journey to “find myself” led me to change my religious commitment. I became enthralled with Scientology and grew to be a new recruit and staff member. I began a journey into what I would later learn was an occult-like cult. I had already opened the door with my Ouija board experience in high school. Scientology simply pulled me further away from the faith I had known all my life. I won’t go into detail now, but suffice it to say, Scientology took control of my life in a way my church never did. I was happy for quite a while living in this community; getting to know celebrities, and throwing my new life in the face of my parents.

Scientology told me I could still be a Christian and believe in God. They even bastardized the crucifix for their symbol to convince believers like myself. And then they told me all the problems I was having in the present were the result of the past. If only I would reach back into the past I could be set free. Of course their past was many past lives, which they manipulated me to believe I had lived. They promised I would be happy beyond belief and have some special supernatural abilities. At that point in my life, I needed to be something more than just the lost invisible child with no future. Anything was better than where I was.

Fortunately, I had praying parents who knew that was all they could do to convince me to come home. During a trip back to Virginia I caught up with some old friends and began to see outside the fog of Scientology. My friends helped convince me not to return to LA and little by little the grip Scientology had on my life was released. As much as Scientology tried to pull me back, I found a supernatural peace sitting in the pews of my church. Although I was back in church most Sunday’s, I worried that others would find out I had strayed and judge me for the disobedience to my faith. I kept a barrier between me and God, just in case this didn’t work out for me either.

Finally, many years later I would be led by our pastor to acknowledge the occult hold Scientology and the Ouija board had on my life. I prayed with others and asked Jesus to be lord of my life instead. I invited the Holy Spirit to be my guide and set me on a new path. I prayed for a purpose that I never had. I discovered that even though I had walked away and broken my relationship with God, he remained faithful and forgiving. On my knees that morning, I discovered the freedom of a loving God and started on the long road of redemption to where I am today.

If something is keeping you from walking back into church, let it go. God already knows all about it and he is waiting for you to come home. No matter how far you have wondered, the door is always open. Sneak in the back if you have to. Sit quietly and wait for that still quiet voice to tell you “welcome home.” Believe that once you cross the threshold into his house, you will feel like you never left. Ask a friend to go with you if it is too hard. Just take a baby step toward God and he will do the rest.

“The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all those who keep his covenant and obey his degree.” Psalm 25:10

Categories
Poetry

Finding a New Path

Humbly I come to you, having lost my way.
Wanting your forgiveness for my pride;
I sought my way and stumbled on the path.

Your words call out to me, pulling me back.
Yet I hold on to that which I know;
Hoping you will follow my lead and direction.

My plan has gone astray, the door has closed.
I have no choice but to surrender my will;
I’m left to accept that you have a new plan.

Where now shall I go amidst this turmoil?
How do I trust this new plan you have,
When I can’t yet see the light ahead?

How, O Lord, do I trust you when I have failed?
How, O Lord, do I trust me?
How do I even start anew?

And yet trust I do, as I cry out for your direction.
I breathe in all I know of you and wait;
I wait to hear your calming reassurance.

I wait to take the next step, leaning on you.
I wait; and then I slowly step forward,
Trusting you to open a new door,
Leading me into a new life.

A new path emerges and I see you in it.
All that is good has come from this my journey of change.
Protected Ransomed Refreshed Regenerated

© maggiemarcum.com

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