Category: The Lighter Walk

There was a time in my life that I thought I would never have girlfriends. My childhood abuse twisted my thinking and I had mostly guy “friends.” I just didn’t know how to be friends with a woman.

Thanks to years of therapy and some incredible women who helped me heal from the trauma in my life- that all turned around in my late 40s. It was partly tied to being a mom and meeting other moms. But mostly, it was a change in my needs from needing a man to notice me, to having someone I could have an authentic life-sharing relationship with.

I have four life-long friends. We live in scattered parts of America and don’t have the day-to-day relationship we wish we did. I’m so thankful we were childhood friends. It reminds me that God places people in our lives when we need them, and boy did we need each other growing up! We trusted each other as teenagers do, with most of our inner secrets.

When I had my daughter, and took some time to deal with the childhood wounds, I had one friend who stood by me through all my emotional ups and downs. Who knew when we met as school-moms that we would be blessed to become such true friends. I met another sweet woman when my husband was in a major accident, who thought me to lean on a woman and trust them to walk with me. I also had the gift of a sister who protected me when I was young, and still walks through all the good, and not so good, moments of my life. It is a gift to share their moments with them and to navigate the waters of life together.

I have come to value and appreciate girlfriends in a way I never knew would be possible. Sadly, I have also found that women and friendships can fade away or be torn apart with no apparent reason. And I have found that when a friendship suddenly ends, it is as painful, if not more, as a broken love relationship. For me, I’m left questioning everything I did over our years of journeying together, trying to find that one moment where things broke down in hopes I can repair and restore our relationship.

I believe we each carry some bit of wounding from our past. When that wounding isn’t healed (and sometimes even when it is) and something subconsciously reminds us of it, we tend to flee to avoid further pain. We may fire up and fight against the perceived infliction of further injury- or we just shut down, unable to process or articulate what has occurred. I know that has been true for me.

Sadly, those reactions usually end a relationship over what could be a misspoken word, an unintentional action, or lack of knowledge of one’s sensitivity. We as women can far too quickly internalize an offense and turn on one another, destroying a valuable relationship.

Why are we willing to shatter something that is such a gift to have? Why would we so easily give away a deep sense of being known by another person? Why would we not trust each other with this kind of personal wounding when we have already shared so much? What makes us stop short when we need to say: “What you said/did hurt me.”

I sit today grieving over another broken relationship that I don’t know how to mend. It isn’t the first time I have had to question myself and my behavior, searching to understand my error. I wish I could restore the friendships that faded away or abruptly ended; however, I know that may never happen. That adds to my sorrow.

I hope I can learn from this. I hope I can let God heal my new wound. I pray he would intervene and bring restoration in our broken friendships. I pray for each of us, that we would see each new handshake and introduction as an opportunity to build a new friendship. I know we are made to be in relationship and I won’t give that up. I am willing to take the risk again. I hope you too will find resolution in broken relationships and either rebuild them or learn and move forward into the next one.

Today, I am thankful for all the relationships I have had. I am grateful for the times we shared, even if they ended. And I appreciate the new relationships God continues to lead me toward and hopeful that they can become good lasting friendships too.